NOT a Review of Sarkar Raj

Let me reiterate at the outset that this is not, and I stress, not a review of Sarkar Raj. These are merely uncritical (and the term 'uncritical' is crucial), amateur (equally crucial qualification) notes on my experience of watching the film yesterday with the mysterious A.X (who now blogs here - oh, don't bother clicking on the link, the blog is only open to invited readers - I wonder if A.X. needs to be 'in love' with these readers to invite them). Again, I stress - I am not a critic, and this is not a review. I mean, I don't want Ram Gopal Varma revealing to the world that I hound producers who refuse to touch me. Oh, my favourite bit from his diatribe:

"Khalid Mohammed has made such horrendous films like Fiza, Tehzeeb, Silsilay etc (sic). If he or anybody thinks otherwise, the whole industry knows how many actors and investors are queuing up in front of his house fighting each other to get his films made (sic). Even I made big flops and precisely because of that I don’t become judgmental on someone else’s work (sic)."
(Emphasis mine)

So, A.X. and I watched Sarkar Raj last evening. It was a delightfully gay evening - we walked from Cunningham Road to MG, bought a phone for his mom, ate sandwiches at Indiana's (burgers weren't available!), and then went for the movie. The movie, however, was anything but gay. (I mean 'gay' in the 'happy' sense.)

Depressing plot turn after depressing plot turn are punctuated by Abhishek Bachchan's I'm-intense-because-my-face-never-changes expression (honestly, Big B's sentimental speech to Abhishek Bachchan's photograph at the end seemed so natural, because Abhishek's expression was the same throughout the movie - Sarkar could have mistaken him for the photograph!), Aishwarya Rai's what-am-I-doing-in-this-movie look, the sidekicks' please-cure-my-constipation mien and the just-in-case-you-don't-get-it-,-this-is-a-serious-movie background music. In fact, that is the real problem with Sarkar Raj and Ram Gopal Varma in recent times - he takes himself too seriously. Its reflected in the unnecessarily arty lighting in each scene of the movie (twice in the first ten minutes, characters come out of the darkness into the light and stare menacingly), camera movements that toe the line between high craft and a drunken cameraman, dialogue straight out of an 80s Hindi movie, and a grey-gloved, enigmatic contract killer who evokes more laughter than fear.

And then, there are the villains - a double-crossing Deputy CM with Jim Carrey-esque facial contortions, a needlessly slimy Hasan Qazi (play unmistakable cheap movie villain background music), the two villains whose identities I shall not reveal (I don't want to spoil Big B's Poirot-like explanation at the end), and Vohra. Now, Vohra has his trademark line, "Wohraa, not Vohra," that seems to be inspired by Dr. Winkel ("Vinkel, not Winkel") in The Third Man (yes, yes, I'm obsessed). RGV will obviously claim that there's no inspiration whatsoever, and probably that he's never even watched the film, which is a pity, because Sarkar Raj could well have done with some music by Anton Karas (Man, that zither! Is there anything as haunting?).
Recently, I watched Kshana Kshanam again, and managed to catch the last half of Shiva on TV. I wonder where that Ram Gopal Varma's gone. As I go through his filmography I see classics like Gaayam, Govinda Govinda, Rangeela, Satya, Kaun, and Company. After Company comes the fall - with Bhoot that looked like a Ramsey Brothers product, the average Sarkar, unmentionable Darna Zaroori Hai, the seriously flawed Nishabd, a bad remake of Shiva, and an even worse remake of Sholay. His older films had great humour (watch this selection from Kshana Kshanam); they had everlasting characters - Bhiku Matre (Manoj Bajpai) from Satya, Chandu and Satya in Kshana Kshanam, the villain eating Eclairs chocolate in Ananganaga Oka Roju, or even Durga, the villain in Jungle; most importantly, his older movies had soul. His newest one only has Abhishek Bachchan imitating Arnold Schwarzenegger in Terminator.