Jan 30, 2008

Eh?

Roebuck's article on January 8, 2008 in the Sydney Morning Herald:


"The only surprising part of it is that the Indians have not packed their bags and gone home. There is no justice for them in this country, nor any manners."
Roebuck's article on January 30, 2008 in the Sydney Morning Herald:
"INDIA'S performance in chartering a plane to take the players back home in the event of an independent judge finding against them in the Harbhajan Singh case counted amongst the most nakedly aggressive actions taken in the history of a notoriously fractious game. If this is the way the Indian board intends to conduct its affairs hereafter, then God help cricket."

Opinions change. Really fast.

Jan 21, 2008

Philosophical Outpourings on Blogging, the Internet, Bad Humour, Mallification of Bangalore and Justice

I entered Forum somewhat nervously, knowing fully well that I was underdressed for the occasion. Bangalore somehow never gave me this feeling before. I'd walked through its busiest thoroughfares and its most fashionable areas in nothing more than faded, grey shorts and bathroom slippers. Forum was a different world - it was like Gurgaon had been transplanted to Koramangala. I've written previously also on Bangalore and its malls, and my (our) theories (my roommate, fiance, lover - Arun - known in the comments section as "ax", collaborated with me on that theory) were strengthened by what I saw that day.

Anyway, there was no time for me to think of the sad state of chillers and chilling in Bangalore - the chomised, made-up, loud, brash, brand-conscious, franchise-chilling was here to stay. I had a mission - it was like in a detective novel. I had a photograph and a vague description - Black Sweater. I looked around matching every woman in the relevant age-group to that description knowing fully well that she had messaged me saying she would take some time more to arrive. Maybe I was reading too much Raymond Chandler in the recent past.

There is this thing about meeting people from the internet. You don't know exactly what they look like - photographs can be misleading - if you saw mine, you'd think I was an upcoming Tamil Superstar (then again, I am an upcoming Tamil Superstar) - and yet you know so much about them. Often, they lead two lives - the quietest in real life have the loudest blogs, the most dynamic never check their email, the friendliest are suspicious. Their profiles on Orkut, Facebook, their blogs, your conversations on Gtalk tell you a lot, but hide the crucial facts - do they exist? Are they actually axe-wielding murderers? Maybe they are people trying to get you to join a mass-suicide cult! Maybe they're Communists! Racists! Supporters of George Bush! Lawyers! Is she even a woman at all?

It is so easy to lead a parallel unrelated life on the internet, that it sometimes scares me.

And then there's the thrill of meeting someone you've never met before, but know fairly well - the sheer unpredictability of conversation, the innate tendency to crack bad jokes, your eyes' inclination to widening unnecessarily, and your sorry attempts to over-impress whoever the other person might be.

By the time I sat at Firangi Pani and browsed through the drinks menu, I felt a lot more at home. I remembered the fascinating DMP - the Drinks Menu Principle - that every time I go to any restaurant with any crowd, the Drinks Menu is always placed before me. I look the shady, alcoholic type, I guess. I thought I'd play the role by ordering some whiskey, but decided to go for the age-old hostel favourite - vodka and Sprite.

And then the nervous eye-shifting started again. Black sweater. Every person who walked in was scanned and audited - maybe she wasn't wearing the sweater, she was carrying it in her hand. Pretty soon, she walked in - complete with black sweater and all. She looked very different from the photographs, and looked too old to be 22. But people age fast, what with age being in the mind and all that. And, as discussed, photographs are misleading.

I put on my most social smile and waved. She gave me this weird look. Wave again. Weirder look again. She turned around and sat at another table. Then it dawned - this wasn't the Black Sweater I was looking for! Message to the actual Black Sweater: "I just waved at some random lady in a black sweater!"

Three sips into my vodka, and 2.4 overs into my cricket game on my cell phone, Black Sweater landed up to meet Maroon Sweater. Social smile. Handshake. "Where's the lady you waved at?"

The ice melted - in my glass - liquids flowed like the conversation that touched upon everything from the concept of justice, riots, drunken driving, and taxation law to Yuvraj Singh and Deepika (How?!! How?!! I have officially lost faith in every Bangalore chick - every one.). The more I think of these varied topics, the more I'm convinced that they are all linked - at the fundamental level, they are things that you'd talk to people you're meeting for the first time about!

At the end of it all, when I got into the auto back to Sadasivanagar and opened my wallet, I remembered, for no real reason a joke I had heard in the morning. My friend sounded horrible on the phone. When I asked him what was the issue, he said, "Not feeling good, dude. Liquidity issues."
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For another version of the same story, check this out.

Jan 7, 2008

The Aussie Way

I write this post in anger over what transpired in the Sydney Test.

I am willing to ignore the umpiring errors for the purpose of this post, as those need to be handled by the ICC and the national Boards. What shocked me (and has shocked me for years now about the Australian team is their "honour and spirit of the game" talk.

This is what their Code of Conduct says, "When you're out, and you know it, don't walk till the umpire rules you out. The edge might be audible in India, you could be caught at first slip, or your stumps might be shattered. DON'T WALK. Wait for the umpire to give you out. BUT, (and this is a crucial 'but', almost as large as Jennifer Lopez's), expect the opposing team, the umpire, and the rest of the world to trust you when you tell everyone that you've taken a catch cleanly. After all, you never cheat."

Michael Clarke showed us how ridiculous this philosophy is. He was caught at first slip off Kumble to an edge that was visible to someone sitting in the far stands at square leg, and he stood his ground - behaved like everything was normal. Next day, he takes a dubious catch of Sourav Ganguly, a catch that even Ian Chappell and Sunil Gavaskar cannot agree upon, and all of us are expected to believe him.

If I am supposed to trust Clarke when he's sure he's taken the catch, I should suppose that he will walk when he's sure he's out. The Aussie Way clearly has some loopholes.

I have this Grand Spirit Theory that can explain The Aussie Way. The Spirit of the Game is in the air in Australia, and the players inhale it when they are on the field. Sadly, this Spirit is extremely weak and cannot penetrate helmets. Therefore, when players are batting, the Spirit is forced to stay in the air and not within them. So, when an Aussie is batting, he isn't playing in the Spirit of the Game, but when he is fielding without a helmet at slip, he is playing in the Spirit.

And then there are those who support Clarke. Michael Slater. Not surprising at all. Wasn't he the low-life who claimed a clearly grounded 'catch' off Rahul Dravid in Mumbai six years ago and then wagged his finger at Dravid and Venkataragavan? We Indians are raised on Bollywood movies. It takes us lifetimes to forget these things.

Oh, let us not forget Ricky Ponting, and his outburst, "Are you questioning my integrity?" Of course we are, Mr. Ponting. When was it ever not in question?

As an aside, why do the Australians look to outlaw anything that affects their game - bodyline, off-spin bowling and sledging?

Jan 2, 2008

Music to my ears

I have been chilling in Madras for sometime now - amidst all the heat, humidity, auto bargaining, and the music season. Four concerts a day, the odd lec-dem, CD shopping, musical instruments shops, sabha hopping, canteens, filter coffee, vegetarian thali meals, idli-vada-dosa. The following is a collection of what I wrote sitting at the not-so-inspiring concerts - as in, wrote with actual pen and paper.

On Neatness

When I was much younger, a friend of mine got this formula Hollywood movie involving some cheerleaders and their rivalries and told me that it was a "neat movie". Many years later, someone, while commenting on an upcoming vocalist described her as having "neat presentation". When I watched the movie, and listened to this "neat" vocalist, I realised that "neat" meant 'insipid' or 'characterless' or 'unimaginative'.

No term has irritated me more than 'neat'. Because 'neat' means that you have set formulae that you stick to, and execute well. Artists aren't high school mathematics students who apply a set of given formulae. They are mathematicians who create formulae. And we, as the consumers of art need to give these artists space - the space to make an error once in a while in their search for new boundaries in art.

We need to allow Darren Aronofsky to make The Fountain - magnificent in scope, but a little flawed in execution, hoping that amidst three Fountains, he makes one Requiem. The same way, we need to allow the younger musicians to make a mistake or two in trying something new. It is like raising a child - at a young age, we stamp the child's ability to innovate, because we're intolerant of its mistakes.

In the afternoon concerts, usually of younger musicians, we must raise the bar, and challenge them to do something extra. Instead we expect them to not slip anywhere, and execute whatever they are looking to execute competently. Because of this expectation from the audience, the afternoon concerts are turning into lethargic affairs where nobody is stretching the limits of their creativity, nobody is trying to do anything new, lest they fail.

It is like watching Shiv Sunder Das bat each afternoon, and thinking, 'This guy has potential'.

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The Thin White Line

I was in a concert when the news of Modi's victory came. For some reason I remembered the meaning of the colours in the national flag - sacrifice, peace and prosperity, they told me. Such nonsense. When I realised what they actually stood for, I couldn't help thinking that it was the white that was the most crucial - because it was this white that keeps the saffron and the green from clashing. When I heard of this victory, I almost imagined the saffron bulging, and the white line getting thinner.

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The Slip

The little boy was excited. His father had just bought expensive tickets to the Violin Maestro's concert in his little town. The boy stared at his textbooks all day without absorbing a word. But he knew he had to study, else he wouldn't be taken to the concert. Every time he read abouty objects falling under the force of gravity, he would think of the Maestro's dexterous fingers falling down the violin producing that free-fall effect - as if the note just fell and landed on the one below.

He kept staring alternatively at the clock, his textbook and his violin at the corner of the room. And then he couldn't contain himself anymore - he picked up his violin, tuned it and played Shankarabharanam at lightning speed slipping ever so often, and hoping that in the evening, when the Maestro played, he would play Shankarabharanam, and when he played at lightning speed, he would watch how someone could play it woithout slipping!

When he reached the venue with his father, he ran upstairs to the hall, and grabbed two seats on the front row - he put a handkerchief on the seat next to his lest someone grabs it before his father ambled up the stairs. On his other side, a stern looking, middle aged man seated himself. The boy smiled excitedly at this man, but got no response. It was as if the man had only one expression - the one where he looked like he had not seen good times in years.

The concert started with the majestic Bhairavi Varnam. The boy's fingers moved with the Maestro's. He kept pace until the Meastro started indulging in mathematics and fractions. He hadn't heard anything like this before in his life. He had heard hours of tape of the Maestro, but listening to him live was something else - he could follow every small twist and turn of the Maestro's hand, and he could see hundreds of heads all around him swaying to the music.

But there was one head that remained still. It was the man sitting next to the little boy. The same disgusted expression - as if his face was cast in iron.

As the boy had been hoping, Shankarabharanam came. And it was the most glorious Shankarabharanam ever. Each note acquired a life of its own, and each phrase lived and breathed of Shankarabharanam. Every minute oscillation, every grand phrase, every set piece was just right. The audience was nearly in tears.

All except one. The man next to him was still unmoved and had the same expression on his face, though the boy thought there was this slight sense of irritation creeping in now.

And then the tempo increased. The slip never came. The boy watched with wonder, and imitated the Maestro's hands as he followed them closely. The patterns began to get more and more intricate, to the point where the boy could not imitate them anymore, and just watched in amazement. He kept telling himself that he will get there one day.

He turned to look at his father. Was he in tears? And just for contrast, he turned to the other man. Still the same. What was this man's problem?

The boy turned his attention to the Maestro and his spectacular taanam, and remembered what he was playing that afternoon - such a contrast! He closely watched the hands now. And suddenly, he saw the Maestro slip, just for a millisecond. The audience, who were swaying stopped suddenly. His father came out of that trance. How did that happen? The more the boy thought about it, the more he was convinced that this was done on purpose. What was he trying?

The boy looked at the Maestro, who just smiled. The Maestro then looked at the stern man and said, "You heard what you wanted to hear? You can leave now."

He then turned to the boy, winked and continued the Shankarabharanam as the man left in a hurry.
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