Yoraanar!

This article was first published on mylaw.net
***

I read somewhere that to run a successful Tamil mega-serial, you need only three sets – a gaudy house, a police station and a hospital. Then, you find a film actress of yesteryear, a few buxom middle-aged women, hot-blooded men, Ram Gopal Varma dropouts and rejects, and put them all in a not-so-merry-go-round from home to hospital, hospital to police station, and back home. Make some characters run anti-clockwise, some oscillate between two points, and others (like nurses, grandmothers or constables) stay put. Amidst all this, you can have the police and the RGV goons mete out guerrilla justice, reinventing procedural law in the process.

In one such prime-time soap, misleadingly titled “Thendral”, meaning “lilting, gentle breeze”, the lead character, misleadingly called Tamizharasan (he speaks mostly English) is set to marry a rich girl, Charu, when he is falsely accused of embezzlement. Instead of fighting it out in the courts, Tamizh decides to nab the real culprit. Unsurprisingly, he finds himself in deeper shit. Charu’s father engages a top-notch criminal lawyer – a man dressed in white-and-white, wears bands and a black coat even when he’s at his client’s house, and carries around an unnaturally slim case bundle at all times – who gets Tamizh his bail from the High Court. He’s paid a judge off, we hear.

Sadly, Tamizh dumps Charu for his true love, Tulasi. Charu’s father is livid. He calls up the criminal lawyer and says, “Saar, please cancel his bail!” The criminal lawyer cancels the bail (in the police station!) by simply taking back a piece of paper from the concerned inspector. Tamizh finds himself arrested, and detained at the police station for two whole weeks!

In another serial, “Thangam”, (starring yesteryear sex-bomb, Ramya Krishnan, as a devout, subservient, role model, at once an IAS officer and a doting wife) the heroine’s father has two wives – both of whom he loves and treats equally. In a kinky turn, the wives love each other too. It is one big happy family. Almost.

Ramya and her sisters, born to the second wife, are detested by their half-brother, who files a suit in the local court. On the anointed day, the entire cast gathers in a court hall, when the judge enters ceremoniously. The judge says, “May the case for today be heard.” The dafedar, holding his sceptre aloft, hollers, “Thiru Karthikeyan! Karthikeyan! Karthikeyan!” Karthikeyan, the son, stations himself in the witness box and puts forth his case.

He wants to be declared the sole heir to the property. He wants the court to declare that Ramya and her sisters are not his father’s daughters at all. “They must be thrown out of society,” he declares, self-righteously in court, and then mumbles to his lawyer, “Saar, please tell him the legal point.” To which the lawyer, who was sitting with three others in the semi-circular table, rises and says, “Yoraanar, according to Indian law, a man can have only one wife.” The judge nods gravely, and jots down something in a notebook.

Karthikeyan continues. He wants the property to vest in him immediately, before his father writes his will. He offers to give his father and the first-wife 10,000 rupees each month for their subsistence. The first-wife, unable to bear the ignominy, faints. The second-wife consoles her.

At this point, the judge declares, “Let the accused be brought.” The dafedar announces, “Thiru Selvaraghavan! Selvaraghavan! Selvaraghavan!” The father, a village headman, enters the opposing witness box. The camera swooshes from one box to another, accompanied by pounding music.

The lawyer begins his cross-examination, “Do you admit that you have two wives?” The father admits. “Do you admit that it is against the law to have two wives?” The father admits. “Then do you admit that your second wife has no interest in your property?” He denies.

The tension is insurmountable. The father, calmly explains, “The law might be against me. But the law is wrong. My ancestors have been headmen for generations. I have been a headman for fifty years now. In these years, I have given large parts of my property to the Amman temple, the local school, to poor people. I have shared my wealth with everyone in this village. Nobody questioned me then!” Where is he going with this, I wonder. “Today, my own son, my own blood, tells me that I cannot share my love between two women? He tells me that the law doesn’t allow it? Yoraanar,” he addresses the Bench, “You sit in that chair not only to enforce the law, but to do justice. Tell me, now, which of us is just?” The judge nods and makes furious notes, before ruling in favour of justice over black-letter law.

This is what the courts should do. No plaint, written statement, interim prayers and applications, exhibits, proof affidavits, typed sets, precedents. No putting-up, mentioning, batta, coding sheet, docket, SR number, application number, witness number, adjournment, hearing date. No section 20, order 1, rule 10(2), CPC, CrPC. Just a one-on-one face-off.

Two Disappearances - Final Installation

Sorry for the delay. Previous parts are here, in reverse order.
***

"We can drive down, if you feel up to it," Thanjan said, "We won't get a bus, it's a long weekend. Unless you want to rough it out."
"What car do you have?" Ajith asked.
"A Gypsy."
***

Two hours after the doctor declared that Mani might not last the night, he stabilised. He was very clear that he didn't want to be moved to a hospital, "Don't prolong my existence needlessly."

In a room lit by a dull bulb in the far corner, Mani lay, with Shankar by his side. A blanket covered him from toe to eye; he held its edge across his nose with his hand. His eyes were open - as open as they could be given his age and health. It was like he wanted to see death, he didn't want it to take him away surreptitiously.

What does a man think about when he knows he can do little for the rest of his brief stay? Does he comprehend the end? Or the journey? Does he think about what is in store for him after the end? Do these questions even bother such a man? Is he too tired and does he just want to go? Shankar had seen his grandfather die a few years ago. That was a case where the mind wanted to live on, but the body wasn't up for the fight. Mani was the converse - he had made peace with his end, but his body, Shankar guessed, wanted one last skirmish.

Was Mani ready to go? His eyes told little. These steel grey eyes once twinkled with mischief, widened with excitement, softened with love. They always spoke a fraction of a second before he did. On that day, though, they just closed the world behind them - they turned into a cold, grey curtain. If there was something on Mani's mind at that time, Shankar had no way of telling.

He could feel Mani's fever from a foot away. When he stroked Mani's hair, he felt it burning. The hair was as grey as his eyes, but there was no sign of balding.

When he was young, his long hair framed his face, for he never tied it up. When he sang, the hair added layers to his interpretations. They patterned the raga with their whoops of joy. Then came that phase when he cropped, oiled and combed his hair in an elegant side-parting. The music in this phase was also a neat, well-oiled machine - his brilliance held in place by the boundaries of the concert format. It was almost Ariyakudi-like - revelling in the medium - the mean tempo, always trying something new, but never overdoing a piece of improvisation, an uncluttered presentation of cluttered ideas. His music hid its tricks behind an easy charm.
***

"Mani lived like a king in those days," Thanjan said, as the battered Gypsy made its way down the hills. "I don't think he had all that much money, but he had enough people willing to spend on his behalf."
Ajith smiled and peered at what little he could see of the road in anxious concentration as a lorry passed him dangerously up a hairpin bend.

"I think he got tired of it, at some point. There was a string of affairs, your grand-aunt being only constant one. She was probably the only woman he really wanted to spend time with. His wife, Srividya, was a caring lady, fairly good-looking, but little else. Oh, she cooked really well. She brought up his children to hate him. You can't blame her for it, though. Mani didn't care much for them. They're all in the US now, they did well for themselves - the daughters are married to engineers, and the son is a professor."
"He was a musician, right?"
"Yeah. Narayanan was a very good musician, but couldn't grow out of the shadow of his father. Came under too much pressure, I think, from Mani's fans, who wanted to see the young Mani in him." He paused, and continued, "Mani also ignored him, didn't do enough to push his career. Mani was never pushed, so he didn't think it necessary. Narayanan left for the US, and has settled there as a professor of Indian music."
***

Sadasivam tried to sleep, unsuccessfully, on a chair in the adjacent room. He couldn't bear to watch Mani's blank face and lost spirit. The phone rang. It was Narayanan.
"How's Appa?"
"Last gasps."
"We're leaving tomorrow and coming there. If anything happens, don't wait for us for the cremation. We'll stay till the thirteenth day."
Sadasivam felt a surge of sympathy towards Srividya at the end of that phone call. She had spent the better part of her marriage shielding her children from their father's indiscretions. If she were a little more modern in her outlook, thought Sadasivam, she could've left Mani and sought a more independent, contended life. Like Saraswathi, who chose to never marry.
***

"The best music I heard," Thanjan said, "Was not in Mani's house in his last years." They had reached the plains now, and were proceeding a little less precariously towards Madras. "It was when Mani and Saraswathi sang together. They were geniuses - both of them. Saraswathi had an intuitive feel for the music, even more than Mani did. Her sense of rhythm... I've never seen her keep talam with her hands or her feet. And I've never seen her miss a beat. They listened to tapes of intricate tavil thani avartanams. Raghava Pillai, Meenakshisundaram Pillai and the like. Mani's eyebrows would knot in concentration. Not Saras akka. And she would pause the tape, and repeat the sollus back to Mani, like she had been practising them all her life.
"Their raga alapanas... They went on for days. Saraswathi was too weak to sing too much by this time. But they always sat down together. He would do the bulk of the singing, and she would join in every now and then with sangatis that she pulled out of nowhere. These last twenty years, he's been singing her music."
***

"Sing something," Mani mustered the energy to say to Shankar.
Shankar thought for a moment, and started Purvikalyani. Mani immediately knew where he was going with this. He asked Shankar to stop with his hand - Mani always hated cliches. Shankar hummed Ritigowla. Mani stopped him, and stage-whispered again, "Poornashadjam!"
Shankar was surprised at this strange raga request. But he obliged, softly singing Lavanya Rama.
***

"He was quite an alcoholic, you know," Thanjan said, "He would start with a drink each morning. A distant relative once received him at the airport in the US. Apparently, the first thing Mani asked for was some whiskey."
"When was this?"
"Hmmm. This was around when I was a kid - late seventies..."
"But I have seen a concert recording from that time. He didn't seem drunk or anything. Only his later recordings sound like there might have been something inducing his imagination."
Thanjan sniggered. "He told me once, 'Thanju! There are these people who say alcohol stimulates the brain. That's rubbish. It numbs it. It makes you think you're producing great music! If anything, it gives you the courage to try something you might not otherwise. But then, at that stage, you lack the concentration to execute it.'"
"But later? Once he came back from Kodaikanal?"
***

After that second disappearance, the extremities of Mani's hair had declared independence from the rest of him. They refused to be tamed, forming violent swirls and intricate patterns, still retaining an odd coherence. He was often asked to oil and comb it, by his wife, but he liked it this way. Every now and then, he would be possessed by a doubt - of whether he really didn't care about his hair or whether he let it be as an act of defiance.

Shankar stroked that hair now as he shifted to Saraswathi, almost unconsciously. He was holding Mani's hand; Shankar felt that it communicated this request to him. Shankar hummed a slow alapana around the daivatam, unleashing his teacher's trademark phrases that omitted the panchamam, and gave unnatural importance to the nishaadam.
***

"Her death shattered him?" Ajith asked.
"I used to think that, till recently. But I think it did more than shatter him."
Ajith turned to Thanjan.
"The road," Thanjan reminded Ajith. He continued, once Ajith turned his attention to the road again, "A year ago, I met Mani at his house. I had gone to Madras for my grand-uncle's funeral. My grand-uncle was quite a character, you know. My father got lucky when Mani left him the house. With his pension and the guest house, he lived very comfortably. My grand-uncle, on the other hand... He was only my father's age, worked his way up from the real bottom. He was a clerk in a lawyer's office in Madras. By the time he died, he was a lawyer, and a decent one at that. His sons, my uncles, a couple of whom were younger than me, formed a formidable partnership that rules the criminal courts to this day. Anyway, that's not the point of this story. I was telling Mani about him, and we got talking about death."
***

Watching someone die isn't easy.

I spent three hours by her bedside that morning, holding her hands, both of them in both of mine. We didn't know it would end then; it could have ended on any of the last nine days. Her hands had a warmth, so did mine. We held, our grip tightening every now and then, and loosening again. It was like a game. When one of us felt a sudden eruption of love, we tightened, and when she lost energy, we slackened.

After a while, we didn't know which hands were whose. They were equally warm, they knew every line, every depression, every lump, every fold, every groove in the other. They comprehended every move, every twitch, every squeeze. They were a part of the same system, from feeding off each other, they had mingled with each other. Fevered warmth spread from her, through my hands, to the rest of me. From the chair, I moved to the space she made on the bed. Cheek against cheek, shoulder against shoulder, thigh against thigh and toe in toe, we lay, until the rest of us became as familiar with each other as our palms.

Slowly, the warmth left us. Death had come to take us away. We felt it in the tips of our toes first, then our knees, stomachs and cheeks. The tips of our fingers were last; death left us through there, taking one soul away and leaving only a shell of the other behind.
***

Living in Mani's outhouse, and working as a clerk in the observatory, Thanjan's father, Govindan was the backbone of Mani's existence after Saraswathi's death. His wife cooked for Mani, kept the house clean, Govindan listened to his stories, his theories, his garbled philosophy.

Mani's already irregular, indisciplined existence had become even worse. The day had no meaning to him anymore, the sun had no effect on what he did or when he did it. Time floated, and he floated with it. Days went by and he didn't even know.

He lived those months upside down, sleep and waking flowing in and out of each other, time was completely diffused, nothing made sense and nothing seemed to happen. He spent a week in bed, unwell, tended for by Govindan's family, and went on a drinking binge for four days after with a couple of the tea plantation owners, entertaining them with tales of his travels. He spent hours, late into the nights, talking to Govindan about music, and spent days secluded and silent. He often sat in the sit-out staring at a tea plant.

He spent hours tuning a tambura and listening to its drone silently. He seemed very distracted when he sang every now and then. The music came in spurts, it stopped and started, it had lost the verve it had. That didn't seem to frustrate Mani at all. He smirked, stopped singing and strummed the tambura with his eyes closed.

Every now and then, he would go on an interminable walk, ambling through clumps hills, not too sure of where he was going or why. When he left on one of these walks, Govindan and his anxious family waited on him, cleaning the house, cooking every meal with a little extra for him. He returned, usually in a day or two, sometimes brisk and happy, sometimes tired and happy, and sometimes simply tired. Sometimes, he came back purposefully and sat with his tambura, and sometimes he just slept.
***

Mani asked Govindan once, "You know - that day I took that crazy walk?" Govindan remembered that day well.

Govindan wedged his way around the thicket with a stout branch in one hand and a petromax lamp in the other. He wasn't sure if he would find Mani here, amongst these bushes. The hills had too many hideouts. Some people had seen Mani walking in this direction, and Mani had mentioned a stream he frequented in this area. Govindan, not familiar with these paths, found it almost impossible to search in the darkness. He had a local with him for help, but even he lost his bearings. The murmur of the stream led them to a spot where he saw a pair of legs sticking out from behind a rock.

The body was cold, but there were faint signs of a beating heart. It took them four hours to get back to the road where they had left a jeep.

"For days," Mani said, "I had been hearing Saraswathi's voice, pleading with me to come to her. And then was another chorus of indistinct voices that welcomed me to wherever I was going. On each walk, I would hear these voices, egging me on to walk further till I reached them. Until that day, I was able to fight the chorus and return home.

"That night, when you took me to the doctor, I rose slowly from my body, I hovered above the scene, and the voices became more distinct, the chorus was more discernible. It was Saraswathi pleading with me to join her. My father, a mama from the drama company and Musiri were welcoming me. There was another voice - of a woman whom I only knew as Janani. I couldn't understand what she said at all.

"And then, something told me that it wasn't time to go. I don't know if I fought the voices, or if it was the doctor. I floated back to my own body, the voices stopped, I heard the hum of the machines in the hospital. When I become fully conscious later that day, I felt like I was reborn after three months."
***

"Why did he leave Kodaikanal for the city again?" Ajith asked.
"For his wife. That's what he told us, at least. He was very upset that there was a woman left in his care, and that he had ignored her. You know - he used to say, he performed only for his wife. That's a white lie. He performed to keep her going financially, not because he had any love for her. He retired when he didn't have to earn for her anymore."
***

Shankar sang Ranjani now. He sang the pallavi of Durmargachara, where Tyagaraja asked how people bring themselves to praise those who walked on sinful paths. Shankar sang it nearly in tears, for he remembered how Mani embellished each of the sangatis with intricate brigas and pregnant pauses.
Mani said, before closing his eyes, "Such a moralist, this Tyagaraja. And such a genius!"

Shankar felt the warmth leave Mani's hands. It dawned on him that those eyes wouldn't open again.
***

Epilogue

Ajith inserted the tape gingerly into his grandmother's old cassette player. The cover said, 'For Ajith'. She sat on the easy chair a few feet away. Nethra and Thanjan sat on the edge of the bed, and Shankar stood by the player.

"Turn the record button on!" a voice said through the player. Sharada recognised it as her cousin's.
"It is on!" Mani's voice said. Ajith was so used to hearing Mani's aged crackle that this seemed alien.

A tambura filled the room now, in a booming 1-kattai. Mani's voice came first, a sole chatushruti rishabham. The rishabham oscillated from almost the antara gandharam, but not quite there. It had a warmth, a life. It was not a swara taken in isolation, it was the raga's most distinctive feature. Soon, Saraswathi's voice sang a phrase, "Ri ga ma pa", gliding ever so smoothly, yet holding each note in its place for a fleeting second. Mani took over, as Saraswathi held the panchamam, "Ri pa ma ga ma ri." Each note was only an excuse for itself. The rishabham and the panchamam were conjoined by a drifting movement, the gandharam and the madhyamam were woven into each other, that you couldn't tell them apart. The phrase stopped at the same rishabham were the alapana started.

The two voices sang Sahana like this for almost half an hour, hovering around only four notes - the ri, ga, ma and pa. It was the most thorough examination Sahana had received in years. The notes were put through the paces, they were bent, squeezed and turned, but they didn't break. Sahana's notorious gandharam, the one that's neither here, nor there, nor anywhere, revelled in its joyous dance. Saraswathi, as Thanjan had said, was a genius. She would interject with phrases of devilish simplicity and charm, and leave it to Mani to develop those ideas further. Her voice had a vibrant clarity about it, and its cleanness enhanced its ability to move.

Ajith sat by the easy chair, holding his grandmother's hand. The music formed a vortex of images in her head, but the central one was the clearest. Of Saraswathi doling out sangati after sangati of dynamism with an unreal peace on her face. Of Mani sitting by her side, singing equally brilliantly, with the animated excitement of a seasoned performer. Mani's music grew on the concert stage, Saraswathi's grew in a dark room at the back of her house.

One side of the sixty-minute tape ended. The alapana had barely progressed beyond its first act. When Ajith changed the side, he found that the other side was blank. "They must have forgotten to change the side while recording," he said.

Shankar, who had walked out in the middle to take a call, came back looking shocked.
"What happened?" Ajith asked.
"A lady called from some newspaper asking me if I wanted to place an advertisement for Sir's tenth day. I asked her how she got my number. She said, 'We go to the crematoriums, get numbers of relatives from there and do marketing.'"

Ajith stared in disbelief, so did Nethra. The silence was broken by a giggle from Sharada. Thanjan guffawed. Shankar joined in, and soon, the others.

He would have found this funny, they knew.
***

A few words of thanks. A revision of Orson Welles' Citizen Kane gave me this idea, of writing about a person's life layer by layer. Thanks to Priya, who will find some words here familiar. Thanks to Emani Sankara Sastry, Ramani Sir and GNB, for providing musical inspiration.

Importantly, to Mashtre, who taught me to listen.

The Bestest

A cricket post after quite long.
***

Some days ago, I undertook the arduous task of picking a team of the greatest eleven from a century-and-a-quarter of Test Cricket. The task was made trickier by a shortlist of eighty-eight players who made their country elevens. Sanath Jayasuriya was available for selection, but not Herbert Sutcliffe or WG Grace, Chaminda Vaas was there, but no Courtney Walsh or Joel Garner, Prasanna wasn't allowed, while Underwood was. You could argue, of course, that if a player didn't make his country eleven without question, he can't be on the all-time eleven. But logic and all-time lists aren't happy bedfellows. You compare and choose players you haven't even seen. I know Sachin's genius like I will never know Hammond's or Ponsford's. Yet, I have to select one. Similarly, I am forced to give some weight to Sobers' pronouncement on Subash "Fergie" Gupte's genius even though I've never seen him bowl. Statistics guide me, yes, but ultimately, it is a gut-feeling. No, a guess.

For the first opener, I can't look beyond Jack Hobbs. Amongst the early masters of batting, three names stand out the most influential - Grace, Ranji and Hobbs. Grace was the first to develop back-foot and front-foot play - a child learns these osmotically today by just watching people around him bat. Ranji showed the world the art of leg-side play and wrist work. But it was Hobbs who mastered all these principles of batting. He was the coaching manual. A question remains - which Hobbs am I picking - the early, Trumperesque Hobbs, or the post-war Jedi? I don't really know. I'm okay with either. Opening with Hobbs, I would have loved Sutcliffe - Hobbs' long-time collaborator at Surrey and England, and an expert on batting on unplayable wet wickets. His sixty-plus average is still the highest for an opener with over 4000 runs. But the England eleven went for the other stalwart, Len Hutton instead. So, I chose the greatest modern opener to partner Hobbs - Virender Sehwag. If Hobbs conquered the complex art of batting, Sehwag simplifies it. Which is why I think they would make such a great pair - at one end, you would have the calm, solid, immovable genius, and at the other end, an edgy, unpredictable, frightening one. For the record, Hutton and Gavaskar were probably better batsmen than Sehwag, simply because they played against much fiercer bowling in more difficult conditions. But I'm choosing a pair of openers, and not the two best. Which is why Sehwag makes it.

In the middle order, Don Bradman is a no brainer. Critics say that the bowling he faced wasn't as good, the fielding was poorer and he played all his cricket only against three teams, but ignore the fact that there were uncovered pitches, primitive protective gear, inferior bats. I think if you made adjustments for all this with a sophisticated statistics model, you would find that Bradman's record would remain untarnished. No batsman has ever scored even nearly as heavily, consistently and quickly as Bradman. He's in at No. 3. George Headley, the "Black Bradman" is the second middle order batsman. The first great black West Indian batsman, he played only twenty-odd Test Matches, but scored runs at an average of over 60 in a batting line-up where he accounted for nearly half the team's output. Until the Ws made their appearance, Headley was the West Indies' only world-class batsman. Batting in an order like that would have had an effect on his batting, as he found himself battling with the tail very quickly. Still, he managed that average, that record and had such an impact on the game that his loving fans described Bradman as the "White Headley", and Ramachandra Guha describes him as the greatest West Indian batsman ever - even above Lara and Richards.

Arguably, the most complete cricketer of all time, Sobers was born to play the game. He was one of the greatest batsmen of all time, he could bowl spin and medium pace and was a great fielder. He walks into the team as a batsman and an extra bowler. So far, the middle order has selected itself. Now comes the difficult part - picking one between Lara, the two Richards (Viv and Barry), Chappell, Hammond and Tendulkar - a list so diverse and distinguished that it would be criminal to leave anyone out. Ultimately, I went for the most complete batsmen I've seen - one of those guesses - and chose Sachin Tendulkar. For all the allegations on not finishing games, or scoring against weaker teams, Sachin Tendulkar remains the purest, most selfless, most beautiful, batsman of the last two decades. He has invented shots - the guide over the slip cordon, that perfect straight bat while playing the paddle sweep behind the keeper, that cover-drive on the up, or those million ways in which he manufactures singles of absolutely any ball.

This brings us to the wicketkeeper. When the batting line-up has Hobbs, Sehwag, Bradman, Headley, Sobers and Sachin, the wicketkeeper need not be a great batsman. Even as far as wicketkeeper batsmen go, Andy Flower, whose batting I rate higher than Gilchrist or Sangakkara is not available. When I chose the list on cricinfo, I picked Sangakkara. But after some research, I'd rather go with Alan Knott, who stands up there with the most skillful keepers of all time. Knott's art came to the forefront when he stood up to Underwood on wet wickets in the County circuit, when each ball had a mind of its own, and Knott still managed to collect them noiselessly. When you have Sydney Barnes swinging and spinning at the same time, and Muralitharan flummoxing batsmen with his doosra, there better be a keeper who can keep pace with what is thrown at him - the batsman isn't going to touch much.

This leaves us with the bowlers. The combination I prefer is two quicks and two spinners with Sobers bowling according to the pitch, and Tendulkar pitching in if another hand is required. Malcolm Marshall, with his extreme speed, skid, seam, swerve, swing and smartness picks himself. He was the greatest fast bowler of them all - at an unconventional five-feet-ten, and a bustling open-chested action, he could decimate batting orders. Ask England - he bowled once with his left hand fractured and still destroyed them. Just like Ranji invented leg-side play and changed the way the game was played, the Pakistani quartet of Nawaz, Imran, Akram and Younis rejuvenated old-ball bowling with reverse swing. The most skilled of that lot was Akram, bowling with the cleanest of actions and doing things with the ball that pacemen before and after him have only dreamt of. Plus, he adds left-arm variety to the attack.

Sydney Barnes was an unclassifiable bowler. He bowled a cocktail of swing, seam and spin - it was hard to tell one from another. He bowled at a Kumble-esque pace, and made turned the ball as much as O'Reilly or Warne. When someone remarked that O'Reilly was a better bowler because he bowled the googly, Barnes said, "I didn't need to." A temperamental character, he once bowled badly because his captain refused to give him the new ball. He skipped a Test Match because the English Board refused to pay for his wife's accommodation. The reason he makes it here, quite apart from his incredible numbers, is because for three generations (he played cricket for almost forty years), batsmen said he was the greatest of them all. The slot for the second spinner is a toss up between the game's two most successful - Warne and Muralitharan. Arguably, Warne was more skilful, while Murali was more successful. Warne bowled, very often, when teams had been softened by McGrath and Gillespie before him. Murali bowled when batsmen were well warmed up. Warne bowled in spinner-unfriendly, bouncy Australian tracks, but Murali bowled on pitches that were built for him. The litmus test, for me, is how they fared against the best players of spin of their generation. On this analysis, Warne, for all his wizardry, comes a distant second. Murali might not have murdered India like he did England, but he did trouble India more than any other spinner had done since Richie Benaud. Murali, in one sense, was like George Headley - he was the only world-class bowler amongst a string of also-rans. He had more opportunities, therefore, but he had more pressure as well. He rose to the challenge and ended up as the greatest matchwinner of all time. For that, he makes it as my No. 11. (This is also a change from the selection I made on cricinfo.)

The team, in batting order:
Jack Hobbs, Virender Sehwag, Don Bradman, George Headley, Sachin Tendulkar, Gary Sobers, Alan Knott, Wasim Akram, Malcolm Marshall, Muttiah Muralitharan, Sydney Barnes.
Twelfth Man - Sunil Gavaskar. (If the pitch is difficult, or the opposing team has West Indian fast bowlers of the 80s, Gavaskar sneaks in ahead of Sehwag.)

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I was almost seventeen-and-a-half when I saw a bus held back from falling headlong into a river by a mesh of electric wires; this was after I had jumped out of the driver's seat of the bus. I had successfully cracked an exam the previous evening, one that defines my existence to this day, but that didn't matter. My big story for the next few weeks was that my overnight bus was nearly thrown into the Pangala River. "You should've seen it, mare. Too good!"

I was nearly twenty-six last week when another overnight bus nearly killed me, but killed another man, and injured at least three more. I wasn't awakened by the jolt this time. I was there in the thick of the action, standing a few feet behind the driver, begging him to stop at a place from where I could take a share auto. One moment, the conductor cackled, "Non-stop! Central!" and the next moment, he gasped.

The mind calculates really quickly, or time slows down, I don't know - it just takes a second for you to know that you're done for. And another second for impact. I was too scared to look. I opened my eyes to shattered glass, screaming, commotion, and a yellow van that had fallen on another taxi. The mind told me again - my bus hit the yellow van that tumbled over and fell on the taxi. Save for a few small shards of glass on my body, a few scratches, and a diffused pain in my cheek, I was fine.

I noted with relief that the taxi driver made his way out of the taxi, looking shaken, but not injured. I craned over the debris, from inside the bus, to take a look at the yellow van. The driver didn't get out. There was glass everywhere, and blood on it. The driver's body emerged only when people pulled him out. I read the lettering on the side of the van, now facing the sky. "School Bus". Immediately the mind conjured an image - of screaming, bruised schoolchildren, blood, battered bones, broken glass, all struggling to crawl out of the mangled school van.

It was six am, the school bus was empty, and there were no children.

Yet, three days on, this image haunts, turns me into an insomniac, worries me each time I drive, wrecks me when I see an overnight bus. Soon, this image will become a part of that memory, so skilfully woven into what I actually saw, that I will not be able to separate the two.

The mind has a way of numbing the effect of what it has seen, it has its antidotes against what it knows. But against what it imagines, it is powerless.

Witness for the Plaintiff

If this post offends you, it is meant to.
***

The ten-thirty bell signalled tension for both sides. The plaintiff's crucial witness would be cross-examined by the defendant's bewildered lawyer. The large courtroom where the Full Bench of the High Court would sit was a large, airy, cheery, bright room until they installed air-conditioning a few years ago. Now, it looked like early evening throughout the day, and a low hum provided the background noise for complicated litigation.

The lawyer held the witnesses proof affidavit nervously in his hand.

"I state that Rama, also known as Lord Rama (no offence meant to My Lords) Ram (not to be confused with a male sheep), Ramachandra, Raghuvara, Pattabhirama, Kodandarama, Ram Lalla (I did not know this one until this case), Dinamanivamsatilaka, Maryaadapurushottam, Daasaratha etc. was born in Ayodhya in the sanctum sanctorum of a ruined temple. I was present that day, and was one of the sanyasis who performed his naamakarana. I state that a structure was built, around four thousand years later on this very site by invaders."

The defendant's lawyer read the paragraph thrice to make sure he was reading what he was reading. "This guy can't be serious," he told his tired junior, who was poring over volumes of officialese that archaeologists had thrown up. He saw, in the back row of the visitors gallery, a geriatric with long white hair tied up in a ridiculous bun on top of his head, flowing white beard, dressed in saffron attire, sitting cross-legged on the century-old wooden bench, looking irritatingly smug.

The judges entered the courtroom ceremonially, led by three ushers in traditional white-and-red attire and majestic sceptres. Even as they entered, one was giggling, the second was trying to tell the first to stay in control, and the third looked grave. Everyone stood up, and bowed. The judges acknowledged the bow with folded hands. The bench clerk called out, "Item one!" and read out the cause title, and said, "Posted for plaintiff's evidence."

"If it may please your Lordship, I am appearing for the plaintiff. My lord, the matter is posted the cross examination of PW 677."

The bench clerk handed the proof affidavits to the judges, and the senior-most judge said, "Are you ready, counsel?" The defendant's lawyer nodded unsurely.

"Please call the witness."

The plaintiff's lawyer signalled to the gallery, and the old man in saffron robes got up from his seat, and walked confidently to the witness box, where he was administered an oath. The typist recorded on his barely-in-one-piece desktop that the witness was administered oath.

The defendant's lawyer, reading from the affidavit asked, "Shri Shri Shri Shri Shri Shri Shri Shri Shri Satyasivasundarananda..."
"You have one Shri too many," the witness said.
"No, I don't. If your name was Ramesh, I'd say, 'Shri Ramesh'..."
"Oh."
"Out of curiosity," a judge asked, "How do you decide how many Shris you add before your name?"
"In the olden days," the witness expounded, "We added one Shri for every three-hundred years of abstention from Shrimatis. Though sources today tell me that the figure is about three hundred minutes."
The judge giggled. His fellow judge whispered in his ear, "Learned Brother, please behave yourself."
"You state in your affidavit, Shri Shri Shri Shri..."
"I think you can call him 'PW 677'," a judge interjected.
"Much obliged, my lord," he said, looking truly obliged for a change, and turning to the witness, "Shri PW 677, you state that you are about 5010 years old. That would mean that you were born in 3000 BC."
"Wrong. I was born in 2940 BC. You see, we sanyasis are born at the age of sixty. Have you ever seen a twenty-year old sanyasi?"
The defendant's lawyer nodded gravely. The typist duly recorded the evidence. The judge said, "This is fascinating."
"Yeah. So, when I was eighty, someone said I was young and upcoming. I was overjoyed." The typist was about to record this when the judge motioned him to ignore it.
"I wish I was a sanyasi," the giggly judge said, suddenly, "I'm just sixty-one, and I'm retiring in a few months."
"Please ignore my Learned Brother. He's been like this for months. Anticipatory withdrawal symptoms."

The defendant's lawyer picked up a book, and said, "If you are that old, how come you don't figure in this book?"
"What book is that, counsel?" a judge asked.
"The Limca Book of World Records."
"Ho dude, what is that?!" the witness asked, "Looks like I've been away from civilisation for too long. Damn it."
The typist looked at the judge uncomprehendingly. One judge said, "The Limca Book of Records does not mention my name as the Oldest Living Indian."

"You state in your affidavit that you reside at 'Small hillock, K2 backside, Karakoram Range, Gilgit Baltistan, Pakistan'. How do you survive there? What do you eat?"
"I meditate for a few years, and then wake up for a small bite, and then meditate again. I eat snowflakes."
"Snowflakes? How do you eat those?"
"Like you eat cornflakes."
The giggly judge asked, "Ooh. Is it tasty?"
"Of course! Why don't you come home sometime? Bring some milk when you come, and if possible, some bananas, strawberries and honey."
"Honey! Yum!"
"Learned brother! Let us please concentrate on the issues at hand."
"Learned brother, we are writing an 8000 page judgment. Surely one small recipe won't hurt."
The second brother whispered to the third, "Our Learned Brother is acting like he's had too much grass."
"Oh. Is he vegetarian?"

The defendant's lawyer soldiered on, "You state that your occupation was as a rishi and a sub-guru to Dasharatha and Rama after him. What were your duties?"
"My main task was to perform rituals for the princes. Drive away ill omens and the like. And then we taught Sanskrit to our princes, juniors and successors. I was an expert archery theorist. I couldn't shoot an arrow too well, but I could talk about it relentlessly."
"Like Harsha Bhogle," the judge said, guffawing.
"Learned Brother!"
The typist duly recorded these findings.

"Were you personally acquainted with Rama?"
"Oh, of course. I was born only ten years before him. So, even though I was seventy years older, we were contemporaries in a sense." The keyboard clippety-clapped.
"What interactions have you had with him?"
"We used to discuss matters of civil engineering. That helped him build bridges later on. We even enjoyed the occasional drink of soma. That was quite something, not like the drink this lawyer fed me last night - whiskey, he called it. Jack Daniel, apparently."
"Any other interactions?"
Oh, I was also his economics teacher briefly."
"Only briefly?"
"Yeah. Before I could teach him macroeconomics, he went away to fight some gents and ladies in the forest with a senior of mine, and came back married. And once he was married, he had little time for classes."
"Anyway, after marriage, you only need microeconomics," a voice rang.
Another resigned voice said, "Learned Brother..." Then came the clippety-clap of the keyboard.

"What were you doing on the ninth night after the New Moon during the Chaitra month on the day when Rama was born?"
"Dude, I can't reveal all that."
"Did you watch him being born?"
"No, I did not have access to those areas."
"So, you did not see him being born."
"No, I didn't."
"So, it could well be that he was not born at all."
"But I told you that I knew him."
"Please answer my question."
"Yes, yes," the judge said, "Just answer the questions put to you, 677."
"I put it to you that Rama was never born." The plaintiff's lawyer banged his fist on the table.
"Wrong."
The typist typed furiously, "It is wrong to say that Rama was not born at all."
"At what age did you interact with Rama?"
"When he was around fifteen."
"I put it to you that just as you were born at the age of sixty, Rama was born at the age of fifteen."
"Wrong." The typist typed, "It is wrong to state that Rama was born at the age of fifteen."
There was some murmuring around the courtroom. Someone shouted, "Don't insult my God!" The giggly judge said, "Damn. If this was a movie, I'd have a gavel in my hand, and I could say, 'Order! Order!' I'll retire in six months without ever having said it!"
"Learned Brother!" came the groan.

"Where was Rama born on that night?"
"In Ayodhya."
"Can you show me the palace on this map?" the lawyer said, taking out a map of Ayodhya.
The witness peered at the map closely and pointed to a spot and said, "Here!"
It was the place right under the central dome of the destroyed mosque.
"But you said you hadn't seen him being born."
"Well, that was the delivery room in the palace."
"Delivery room?"
"Yes. There were so many women in the palace, and so many children being born that the palace had one. You know, I can even tell you where he was conceived."
"Conceived? I thought the king just gave his wives some nectar and they conceived."
The witness erupted into a volcano of laughter. "Valmiki wrote in metaphors you know! Nectar! Hahahaha!"
The giggly judge roared with laughter. "Learned Brother!"
Then the judge asked, "What do you mean by lots of children being born?" The typist began to type, when the judge asked him not to.
"Oh, the palace was a fairly wild place, My Lord. If you played your cards right, you could get fairly lucky."
"Damn. I'm telling you. I should've been born five thousand years ago."

"Lets get back to the point here," the lawyer continued, "Babies were usually born in this 'delivery room'. But not necessarily."
"I don't know of a baby who wasn't."
"Rama?"
"He was."
"Did you see him being born?"
"No."
The typist typed away, the plaintiff's lawyer exasperatedly stoop up and said, "My Lords! I have already gone through this. The Amar Chitra Katha clearly shows a room where the queens are lying on beds. This must be a delivery room."
"That's a matter for argument, My Lords! No point raising it now."
"Yes, Counsel. Go on with the cross-examination."
"How do you know the delivery room was at this exact spot."
"I have seen it. I used to go there to bless the children."
"Did you bless Rama there?"
"No..."
Type, type.

"Now, PW 677, lets come to the other important question. What were you doing in the year of 1528?"
"AD or BC?"
"AD."
"There was a Kumbh-Mela at Sangam. I came down from the Himalayas for it. I lost my brother there."
"Did you pass via Ayodhya?"
Guiltily, the witness said, "Yes. We aren't supposed to have any material pleasures, according to our dharma. But you see, I had a sentimental attachment to the land of my birth. So, I came here."
"Did you see a mosque in the city?"
"They were building one."
"Were 'they' Babur?"
"No. 'They' were some masons and daily labourers."
"Did Babur commission the mosque?"
"I don't know who Babur is."
The judge whispered to his brother, "He doesn't know Babur. No wonder he hasn't got a haircut. Teehee."
The other judge whispered back, "Really, Learned Brother, are you on drugs?"
"Abbey, Learned Brother, you were the one arguing yesterday that the place of birth is a juristic person."
"Well, it is!"
"God save this country from judges like you."
"Just for that, I'm going to dissent."
"Learned Brothers! Maintain decorum!" the third judge said.

"PW 677, do you know Humayun?"
"Of course! He was this monkey who used to hang around Rama."
Type, type.

The lawyer, quite pleased with himself, said, "I have no more questions."
***

Tyagaraja, the Environmentalist

The anupallavi of Tyagaraja's popular Kharaharapriya kriti, chakkani rajamargamulundaga, always intrigued me. Consider, first, the words of the pallavi:

chakkani rajamargamulundaga
sandula duranela, o manasa

"When there are beautiful, wide roads suitable for kings, why do you squeeze through gullies?" Fine. Makes sense. If you ignore the traffic, of course.

Then, we come to the anupallavi:

chikkani palu migadayundaga,
chiyanu gangasagaramele?

"When you have sweet milk and cream (yum), why would you choose to drink the..." and this is where I kept getting stuck - "gangasagaram?" I know the Ganga is highly polluted, and I would choose sweet palu and migada (yum!) over it, but I found it unlikely that the pious Tyagaraja would denigrate the Holy Ganges in his songs. But then, I'm a lazy guy, I didn't bother to find out what this word meant. I convinced myself that that the saint was also an environmental activist and let things be. Each time I sang the anupallavi, I would picture the yucky Ganga, floating dead bodies, toxic effluents from corrupt factories, the stench, the green colour, and contrast it with sweet milk, flavoured with a little badam, perhaps, drunk hot from a steel tumbler, early morning, skimming the cream (yum!) off the top with one swift movement of the tongue.

Bliss.

This morning, while writing the notation to this song for someone, I checked T.K. Govinda Rao's book for the lyrics and meaning. And I found, "river of toddy - gangasagaram!" After ploughing through another Telugu book that has detailed commentary on all Tyagaraja kritis, I found that "gangasagaram" was the saint's sarcastic way of referring to toddy. The man had a wicked sense of humour!

I sang the anupallavi with rare vigour this morning. "Chikkani palu migada(yum!) yundaga, Chhiyanu gangasagaramele?"

Two Disappearances - Continued

I wanted to put this part and the next one up together, but it was too long. Split it in two. Kachaak.

Also, there's a chapter in Murakami's The Wind-up Bird Chronicle called 'No Good News in this Chapter'. Random fact.
***

On a rickety bus to Kodaikanal, trundling along a highway in disrepair, Ajith called his father. They hadn't spoken in almost a year.

"Ajith?" his father asked, immediately.
"Dad," Ajith said, in a tone that suggested he wanted to stay away from small talk, "Where in Kodaikanal is that house Thatha owned?"
"Why?" his father asked.
"Just answer the question."
His father paused, considered his response, and then said, "Your Thatha sold it. I'm not sure if it exists anymore."
"Address?"
His father hesitated, and then said, "Listen. Your Paati called me the other day and told me that you were meeting NV Mani about your grand-aunt." Ajith was surprised. Sharada was not on talking terms with her son for as long as Ajith remembered. "She wanted to know," he continued, "If I told you about them."
"Well, you did," Ajith said, bluntly.
"I might have. But that doesn't mean you go looking for these dead stories. It has split three generations of our family already. Leave it alone now."

"What does that mean?" Ajith asked.
"Why doesn't your Paati talk to me?"
"Because you left me."
Ajith's father sighed, and said, "No. I had stopped talking to them even before you were born. I didn't leave you, Ajith. I left your mother, and my parents. You just happened to be with them, that's all."
Ajith was silent. His father continued, after a few moments, "Your thatha gave away that house to your Taapi a year before you were born. For nothing. And she gave it away to Mani. Again, for nothing. And your grandparents did not say a thing. They said it was her property, and that she could do whatever she wanted with it."
"And you left my mother because?"
"They were all together. In their love for your Taapi and Mani."
"I never thought you were such a prude."

Ajith's father went completely silent, the words stung. They lingered for as long as father and son held their phones. His father finally cut the call. Ajith stared out the window as a dark, indiscernible landscape spiralled around him on the climb up the mountains. He couldn't sleep, for thoughts formed whirlpools in his head - swirling, chaotic and deadly. He drifted occasionally into snatches of sleep, only to be awakened by the rumbling of the bus or of his own mind. Ajith woke up in the morning, from that half-sleep, to the cry of touts and auto-drivers in the Kodaikanal bus stand. His phone had two messages from his father. One gave him the address of the house, and the other said, "My father loved her. Everyone knew."

The weight of that revelation fell surprisingly lightly on Ajith's shoulders. Too many lofts in too many houses with too many secrets had been emptied out onto the floor too quickly.

Ajith barely remembered how he made his way to that address. He didn't register how much the auto driver asked him for, he was only vaguely relieved that the driver immediately knew the place. He noticed that the house was slightly away from the bustle of the touristy quarter of Kodaikanal. Inhabitation became more sparse as they made their way through an untarred, climbing road towards the top of a densely forested hill.

"Shortcut!" the driver announced. Ajith nodded distractedly. "You're working at the observatory?" the driver asked again. Ajith muttered, "No..."
"A writer, then!" the driver said.
"Yes," Ajith said, not wanting to engage in any conversation.

When they reached the house, Ajith found that it had been converted into a guest house of sorts. A home-stay, they called it. A caretaker emerged from behind the house with a pair of gardening shears in his hands.
"Yes?" he asked Ajith, scanning him through his thick glasses. His gaze reminded Ajith of Shankar.
Ajith didn't really know what to do at this point. He needed to see the house, but he had no idea what else to do there. He said, "This is a guest house?"
"Yes."
"I need to stay here."
If the caretaker was surprised, he didn't show it. "How many days, Sir?"
Ajith made up his mind as he went along, "Two days."
The caretaker now stopped hiding his surprise, "Sir, what do you do?"
"I'm a writer," Ajith said, almost naturally.
"Ok," the caretaker said, "This way. I'm Thanjan, owner."
"Hello," Ajith said, swinging his backpack over his shoulder, as he walked along the pathway to the door. Thanjan had a walk that was slightly off-balance, with each step, it seemed like he would fall over to the left. He wore a faded khadi kurta and track pants, and hadn't shaved in four days.

As he walked towards the make-shift reception, Ajith had this disconcerting sensation that something was wrong, somewhere. He had seen this house in those photographs, and he vaguely remembered the place from his childhood, but something disturbed him. The place was largely familiar, but not entirely. There was a newness that troubled Ajith - since the owner had kept it so similar to the way it used to be, the small changes stood out. It was almost what he remembered, but it wasn't. That unsettled him.

As Ajith filled the details in the caretaker's register, tweaking small details here and there, changing one digit of his telephone number, or changing the old and new number for his house out of sheer habit, Thanjan asked, "Only two days, Mr. Ramachandran?"
"Yeah."
"The reason I'm asking you, is because we've had writers before, and they've all spent months here, writing."
"I'm not writing," Ajith said, "Merely looking for inspiration."
"For a novel, Sir?"
"Perhaps."

Thanjan picked up Ajith's bag, and led him along a corridor. "Until last month, there was this girl staying in this room," the caretaker said, joyfully pointing Ajith to a bright room with a sit-out. Ajith remembered it as the sit-out where his Taapi sat with a cup of tea in a photograph. "This writer, Sir," the caretaker continued, "Sharanya Ramkumar, her pseudonym is Mythili Iyer."
"Ah," Ajith said, "I know her. Very autobiographical novel..."
"Yeah? A sad life, then! She wrote the whole thing here, in this room," he said, almost wistfully, then, suddenly, springing to life, "Shall I get you some chai?"
"That would be great."
"You don't mind a light tea? Flavoured?"
"Sounds great."
"I'll get you the tea. You have to guess the flavour. You will not get this anywhere else in South India. I grow the flavouring in the garden!" Thanjan left Ajith to himself and scurried away to the kitchen.

Ajith spotted a black tambura in a corner of the room, in a pretty wooden stand, nestled amongst floor-pillows. He recognised it immediately as the one in the photograph.

He fished out his toothbrush from his bag, and found he didn't have paste. Thanjan came back, almost on cue, and said, "I thought you might not have toothpaste!" and handed him a Dabur Red paste. The paste tasted as foul as it looked, and Ajith washed his mouth until he could taste his teeth again.

When he finished, he found Thanjan waiting for him in the sit-out, laying out the tea. There were two cups - Thanjan had invited himself.

The sit-out was sunshiny, it opened out to the view of a rivulet twisting around moss-ridden grey rocks amidst a thicket. There were two cane chairs - Ajith recognised them from the photographs again - and a plastic teapoy that looked woefully out of place.

"I suggest you have it with honey. No milk, no sugar," Thanjan said.
Ajith obeyed, he was hardly given any option. He brought the hot cup towards his mouth, and smelt something fruity. He sipped the tea and found that the flavour was a mix of two or three fruits. Pineapple, definitely. A dash of mango, perhaps. And a little lemon.

"Wrong," Thanjan declared, "It's only one fruit."
Ajith was surprised. He took another sip, the taste began to grow on him now, and it achieved some coherence - instead of tasting like a mixture of three flavours, it tasted like one. But he couldn't put his finger on what it was.
"Passion fruit!" Thanjan said, "The previous owner of this house was a bit of a gardener also."
This made Ajith curious, "Who was he?"
"There was a she, who was the gardener, and then there was a he, who sold it to my father," Thanjan said, "Biscuit?"
"Mani sold it to your father?" Ajith asked, ignoring the biscuit.
Thanjan put the biscuit back on the tray, "How do you know Mani Sir owned this house?"
"I've been interviewing him."
Thanjan didn't believe him, "He wouldn't have told you this."
"Why?"
"I can't tell you that. Anyway," he said, emptying the contents of the teacup into his mouth in one large gulp, "I must be going now. You can leave the cups here."

Thanjan stood up to leave, when Ajith said, "I am Ramachandran's grandson. I've been to this house before."
Thanjan sat down, "Please don't tell me you are going to write this story?"
"Why is everyone so ashamed about it?"
"Mani Sir is a respected classical musician..."
"Many respected classical musicians have had open dalliances."
"But at his age, you want all this to come out... And," he said suddenly, "Saras Akka is your own family!" Then he declared with an air of finality, "If you came here looking for a story, you're not getting one."

Thanjan stormed out, and walked back in to say, "Do you want hot water for a bath? I'll have to heat it on the stove."
Ajith nodded.

Ajith bathed lazily, the hot water from Thanjan's stove was exhausted too quickly, but his body got used to the sting of the cold tap-water after a few tentative mugs. How quickly we get used to things, Ajith thought, what seems undigestible, intolerable, painful, soon becomes a part of our everyday. This isn't about making friends with discomfort, he thought, it is about redefining it for yourself.

He felt a lot better after that bath, the happy smell of soap and shampoo lifted his spirits. He went back to the sit-out, spread his legs out on to the teapoy and picked up the newspaper that was kept for him. He tucked into the sports page when Thanjan came back and said, "Breakfast is ready."

Ajith took his newspaper with him to the dining table, where he ate in silence. Thanjan coldly served him idlis, fresh from the cooker, with steaming sambar and slightly salty chutney. They didn't say a word to each other. Another cup of passion fruit tea later, Ajith went back to the sit-out and sat down with his laptop. Now that he had two days to himself, he thought it might be a good idea to sit and transcribe the interview.

With his legs on the teapoy, laptop on his lap, recorder in his shirt pocket and earphones in his ear, Ajith began the transcribing. He started with the first part of the conversation - Mani's memories of his childhood and his early teachers. He spoke of his mother, of how he kept taalam with the clatter of her sewing machine. "She had rhythm in everything she did," Mani said, "You could play the mridangam to her walk, to her talk, to her cutting vegetables, cooking, churning the cream into butter..." And his father, who could imitate the great nadaswaram vidwans, the distinct violin styles of Chodiwah, Dwaram and Papa, Dhanammal's veena, all with his voice, and Mali with his whistling. He wrote about Mani's brief schooling in a convent, where Mani claimed to anger his English teacher by asking him how Jesus could carry a goat in his hand and walk around when his followers ate the goat with relish. Then came his memories of the drama company, practising long and hard to get every entry, exit, every dance sequence, every song perfect, travelling on bullock cart to different villages for performances, singing and acting about eight hours a day without a trace of tiredness or boredom, tasting alcohol for the first time at fifteen after a particularly successful show, and learning Tyagaraja kritis from unnamed 'mama's.

Ajith remembered Mani's wonderment and joy while recollecting these memories - he really didn't want them lost with his passing. And he was happy he found a patient listener, who would also write about them.

By lunch, Ajith reached the part about Janani, but he had already exceeded his word limit. He had two-and-a-half days' worth of conversation still left to go through on his recorder. He decided to transcribe everything, and then begin the editing process.

Thanjan announced lunch as sourly as he had announced breakfast. Ajith ate the lunch at the common dining table as sourly as he had eaten the breakfast, which was a pity, for the food was excellent. There was another man at the table for lunch, but Ajith buried himself in a novel, not wanting to make any conversation.

After lunch, Ajith resumed his writing in the sit-out, but found it a lot harder to concentrate. The food had settled heavily in his tummy, and kept sending him into snatches of sleep.

The rivulet gurgled outside, the water sparkled in the sunlight that fell from directly above it. He saw a rabbit by the trees, hopping about aimlessly. His phone rang, and a woman's voice he had definitely heard before said, "Follow the rabbit." The voice was familiar, but Ajith couldn't exactly place it. Something told him, though, that he should follow the rabbit. Soon, the rabbit had led him to a part of the forest where Thanjan and Mani sat discussing something in hushed tones. When they saw Ajith, they bolted, and Ajith ran after them. Soon, Ajith found he wasn't chasing Thanjan or Mani, but his father and grandfather. Saraswathi overtook him, caught up with them, and ran past them. Ajith ran faster, overtaking all of them, and nearly reaching a finish line, when he found the rabbit and a tortoise had reached before him, and were bickering about some cheating.

Ajith woke up when his laptop fell to the ground with a thud. He was disoriented and worried for a second, but he calmed down when he found that there was no damage done. He saved the file, and put his computer on sleep mode and took a proper nap on the bed.

He woke up nearly three hours later, with a faint sense of a tense, nagging dream - he didn't remember it, though. He could do with another cup of that passion fruit tea. He found Thanjan in the garden again, with his shears and a hosepipe, tending to a tree that Ajith had never seen before.

"What tree is this?" Ajith asked.
Thanjan, his voice still unfriendly, replied, "Tea tree. You let the plant grow, and it turns into this."
Thanjan didn't seem to be doing anything with his shears or the hosepipe. He was just walking around the garden with them for company. Once he reached the main gate with Ajith following him, Thanjan asked, "You want tea?"

Ajith was now at the desk in his room, his laptop on the table, a cup of tea by its side, attempting to restart his transcribing. After much thought, he decided to skip the portion about Janani for now, and moved on to the second day of the interview. Here, Ajith found, very little of the conversation was recorded - most of it happened in the room when Mani's brother was picking out furniture, or in the car on the way to the beach. Ajith dropped the conversation format, and wrote in a more freestyle prose way for this part of the interview.

It was almost eight before he finished writing this part and editing the entire interview until then, when Thanjan came again for dinner. Ajith said, "You want to read what I'm writing?" Unsurely, Thanjan said, "Yes."

Just then, Ajith's phone rang. It was Nethra.
"Hello!" he said.
"Where the hell are you?" she asked, urgently.
"Kodaikanal."
Ajith heard her take a deep breath, before she said, "Mani's very breathless. Might not last till morning."
***

I am not a Whale

Some borrowed words for your reading pleasure, from an early chapter in Haruki Murakami's A Wild Sheep Chase. I finished reading this book a while ago, but the book hasn't finished with me.

"We are not whales - and this constitutes one great theme underscoring our sex life.


When I was a kid, there was an aquarium thirty minutes by bicycle from where I lived. A chill aquarium-like silence always pervaded the place, with only an occasional splash to be heard. I could almost feel the Creature from the Black Lagoon breathing in some dim corner.

Schools of tuna circled 'round and 'round the enormous pool. Sturgeon plied their own narrow watercourse, pirahna set their razor-sharp teeth into chunks of meat, and electric eels sputtered and sparked like shorted-out lightbulbs.

The aquarium was filled with countless other fish as well, all with different names and scales and fins. I couldn't figure out why on earth there had to be so many kinds of fish.

There were, of course, no whales in the aquarium. One whale would have been too big, even if you knocked out all the walls and made the entire aquarium into one tank. Instead, the aquarium kept a whale penis on display. As a token, if you will.

So it was that my most impressionable years of boyhood were spent gazing not at a whale but a whale's penis. Whenever I tired of strolling through the chill aisles of the aquarium, I'd steal off to my place on the bench in the hushed, high-ceilinged stillness of the exhibition room and spend hours in end contemplating this whale's penis.

At times it would remind me of a tiny shriveled palm tree; at other times, a giant ear of corn. In fact, if not for the plaque - WHALE GENITAL: MALE - no one would have taken it to be a whale's penis. More likely an artifact unearthed from the Central Asian desert than a product of the Antarctic Ocean. It bore no resemblance to my penis, not to any penis I'd ever seen. What was worse, the severed penis exuded a singular, somehow unspeakable aura of sadness.

It came back to me, that giant whale's penis, after having intercourse with a girl for the very first time. What twists of fate, what torturous circumnavigations, had brought it to that cavernous exhibition room. My heart ached, thinking about it. I felt as if I didn't have a hope in the world. But I was only seventeen and too young to give up on everything. It was then and there I came to the realization I have borne in mind ever since.

Which is, that I am not a whale."

Now you know why he leaves me speechless.

Grandmother of the Bride

Mohammad Amir bowling is one of the more beautiful sights in the world - fast, fresh, whippy, and seaming, he lights up dull evenings here in Madras. And then there's Mohammad Asif, trundling along from the other end, weaving his wiliness around that unsuspecting outside edge. On one such evening, I sat before the television, watching these two when Paati sat beside me and said, "Will you turn down the volume for a second? I need to talk to you."

Paati always had the strangest things to say, and mostly, they concerned food. She would offer some strange dish, usually, "Shall I make Maggi for you with some kadalai in it?" or "What about bread with tomato and molaga podi, toasted with cooking oil?" "Perhaps you'd like some mango juice - one half of the mango was spoilt, so I squeezed it along with the other half to compensate." I usually listened to these questions, and dismissed them politely. Sometimes, impolitely. But Paati never failed to offer these quirky culinary delights.

On this particular day, it didn't seem like she was offering me anything to eat or drink. I felt she actually had something to discuss. I wondered if she had her leg-cramps, whether her eyes were watering, it could've been her teeth, or her hands, or that shooting headache she complains of sometimes. She once had a 'gastric' pain from her head to her stomach, radiating from end-to-end endlessly.

But she seemed fine. Perhaps she wanted to buy something for the house. Once she wanted to buy a folding bed, in addition to the four in the house, because you need one for the guests. Once she decided that a steel almirah must be duly purchased for keeping my books. Once she demanded a separate TV she never really watched.

"I am organising a wedding," she said, with a faint smile.
I was surprised. Organising a wedding - at eighty-six! It couldn't have been mine, she didn't have the guts to suggest something like that. There was only one other cousin eligible, but my Paati wouldn't bother with his wedding at her age.
"It is between a neem tree and another sapling," she continued, with that smile still lurking on the corners of her face.
I was startled. But I maintained a straight face and asked, "Why? What have these trees done to merit this treatment?" I really wanted to ask her if this was an inter-caste wedding.
"So," she started. My Paati tells the most convoluted stories - like the Panchatantra, where one starts with a story, and then moves to another one, and another one nestled within it, and so on and so forth, before each shell is reopened, and each story is revisited in reverse, and all neatly tied up in the end. "You know, that a niece of mine gave me a neem sapling. I planted it in a little pot on the balcony, next to the manathakkali plant. It was growing really well, and slowly outgrowing its pot. So, I called Sarasu, the lady who sweeps the steps, and asked her to plant it outside somewhere. When she uprooted it from the pot, She discovered that another plant was intertwined with it. She told me that this was great luck, and that I had to marry them off for lifelong fortune."

I wondered if it was some Rama Sene at work - marrying off intertwined couples.

Paati was in her flow now, "So, Sarasu took the plants to the Amman kovil on Boag Road and planted them there. A vaadyaar will come sometime next week and decide the date of the wedding. I have already arranged for a veshti and saree to be bought for the bride and the groom, and one more saree for Amman and a veshti for the vaadyaar." Darth vaadyaar.

I was now too stunned to speak. Paati said, "I know you think this is ridiculous, but I believe in all this. See, your cousin in the US gave birth to a boy the day I found these plants, and that other cousin found a good job. All this is because of the intertwined plants." I wondered if discovering intertwined people also brought good luck. What about intertwined dogs? Or cats? Or books?
***

A few days later, she told me, "The vaadyaar came today from the Amman kovil. He is from the Nagavalli Amman kovil."
Thatha jumped in with this little detail, "It's on the platform right next to Sivaji Ganesan's house."
"He said that the wedding will cost a thousand five hundred. Four brahmins will be fed, and some naivedyam will be given to the people who come to the temple that evening!"
"When is the wedding?" I asked.
"On the fifteenth."
"Fifteenth, fifteenth. Sunday." Thatha repeated.
"On Thursday, the vaadyaar will come and collect the money."
"I have been discouraging your Paati from the time she brought it up," Thatha said, suddenly. By this time, I found the whole wedding too beautiful, too poetic to let it die. So, I said, "Thatha, please. It's just a small thing. Let her have her fun."
***

As Thursday approached, and a fever raged within me (the intertwining wasn't bringing me health), Paati began getting expectantly fidgety. "Should I make a sweet for the wedding myself?" she asked me. I gave her some sound logic, "See, at your daughter's wedding, you didn't cook. Only the samayal fellows did. So lets just let it be, no?" "Should I give the green saree to the bride and the red one to the Amman?" "That sounds like a plan, Paati. Amman usually wears red, no?" I said, offering my expert knowledge on the Nagavalli Amman's fashion sense.

Thursday morning, I was too tired from my fever to drive to work. I worked on the internet and a phone, sleeping for an hour, working for an hour, and pretending to be important to the world. Every time the doorbell rang, Paati would jump and rush to open it (her leg pain, her limping, were pushed to the background), only to find the milkman, the flower-lady, the courier-dude, the vegetable-lady, or a man collecting donations for a temple. By evening, Thatha was muttering under his breath, "Kandraavi. Dirty fellow. He's not come at all. Keeping us waiting like this all day. I told your Paati on that day only - don't try and organise something at her age. She can barely walk, and she's trying to organise a wedding."

I looked up from my laptop and asked Paati, "Do you want to go check the plant and the vaadyaar in the temple?"

She agreed immediately. Ninety-year-old Thatha and a four-year-younger Paati trudged down the stairs and in my car to the Nagavalli Amman temple on the platform next to Sivaji's house. When we reached the platform, we found that there was no such temple there. There was an Amman temple, but she was of a different variety. We asked a fruit-seller, who directed us to the road behind Sivaji's house.

When we reached the road, we found no kovil. I looked around, Paati was getting a little irritated, but Thatha got down the car and confidently walked towards what looked like a house. "That's the temple!" he declared. It was, in fact, a house. Thatha tried asking someone where the Amman kovil was, but his deafness meant he didn't hear a word of what was said.

Suddenly, I saw this large hoarding for a festival at the Nagavalli Amman kovil, and hiding behind that hoarding, was the kovil - the size of ten matchboxes, adjacent to a gutter. "That's the temple!" I said. I led them towards it when loud devotional music started playing from a conical speaker above it. Thatha discovered a temple festival office just behind the temple, and Paati immediately recognised her vaadyaar in the makeshift office.

I expected this vaadyaar to be the topless, pot-bellied, bearded, severely sacred-ashed and veshti-clad. Instead he looked like an extra from Goripaalayam. Long, curly hair, almost like a Afro, a thick moustache, a gold chain, a bright green shirt with the top button off, dark green loose pants, rings on six fingers, a pair of shades in one hand and a Reliance phone in the other, and bright, white shoes. When he saw Paati, he smiled brightly and said, "Amma! So nice of you to come here!"

I asked, "So, where are the trees?" Are they still up to naughtiness or have you unintertwined them?
Paati asked, "Why didn't you come home today?"
He said to my Paati, "You see, Amma, the trees..."
And suddenly, someone increased the volume on the loudspeaker, and we didn't hear the rest of the sentence. Thatha hadn't heard a word of the conversation until then even.
Then the vaadyaar shouted out to some boy to turn the damn music off.
When it was quiet again, he said, "The neem tree, Amma... It died."
"Died?"
"Yes, Amma, the leaves all dried up, and it died."
"And the other plant?" I asked.
"Oh that," he said, "That died a week ago."
Paati was heartbroken. The vaadyaar was unmoved, "That's why I didn't come today, Amma." He walked us to a small enclosure next to the temple, right by the gutter, and pointed out the flora to us. The neem tree was just a stick standing on the ground, and the other plant was nowhere to be seen. The vaadyaar said, matter of factly, "So, if you buy two more plants and come, we can get them married off."
"But weren't they to be married off because they were intertwined?" I asked.
"You can always intertwine the new plants," he said.

Thatha, who finally heard and understood what had happened, said, in English, "I think this isn't worth it."
"Lets go, he is cheating us," Paati said, again, in English.

And that was the final word on the entire affair. We got into the car and drove back almost silently.

Two Disappearances - Part VI

Ah, that was a long three days.
***

After twenty-two years, Sharada looked into her cousin's eyes. Frozen in time, cast in glossy paper, they were twenty-two years fresher than her own. Sharada's face, wrought with wrinkles caused both by age and worry, was a sorry shadow of her cousin's. Saraswathi would never look as careworn as her, Sharada thought. Even in those photographs in the last year of her life, she did not look like a person battling a terminal illness, two broken families and a vicious, gossipy society.

Sharada gazed dreamily at the photograph with the tambura, she remembered her cousin's exact expression when she heard an apasruti string. It was that very expression - of slight disgust and slight amusement, caught perfectly in that picture. She would tame those off-key tamburas like she tamed off-key people around her - calmly and ruthlessly. Yet, the person at the receiving end came off feeling like he was being done a favour.

Sharada smiled.

The image of Saraswati sleeping reminded Sharada of the way her nostrils flared and relaxed with each breath, her lips curled into a contented smile, her closed palms tucked beneath her chin. It reminded Sharada of the time when, as a teenager, Saraswathi would sleep off on her lap in the afternoons while Sharada read a book.

The photograph that affected her the most was the one Ajith skipped over - the photo of Mani performing to a sparse audience. Ajith found the inscription at the back interesting, but didn't investigate. If he had looked at the photo closely, he would have seen two women in the front row facing away from the camera - his grandmother and her cousin. The black-and-white photo didn't show it, but they were in matching blue sarees - the shade made popular by MS. It was a concert at a noisy wedding at a noisier wedding hall on Boag Road in T. Nagar. Sharada remembered the entire evening vividly, like she had been living it each evening.

Mani sang that day, accompanied by a young, spirited Veeraraghavan on the violin. An ageing Palani Subramania Pillai sat at the mridangam in his characteristically emotionless fashion. Sharada never found out the name of the ghatam vidwaan. Sharada remembered the exact phrase with which Mani began his Thodi alapana. It was a lengthy, labyrinthine brigha that traversed two and a half octaves at unreal speed - starting with the mandhra sthayi panchamam, snaking towards the atitara shadjam, before settling down on the daivatam. Saraswathi, who was milling about, talking, socialising, paused mid-sentence and turned to the stage.

"Lets listen for a while?" she asked Sharada.
They settled down in the front row. Mani looked at her and stopped singing almost immediately. At twenty-eight, she was that beautiful. Mani collected himself and continued his alapana, although he seemed distracted by Saraswathi's presence in the first row.

As if to collect himself, he rested on the panchamam for unnaturally long, closing his eyes and knotting his eyebrows in concentration. Da pa, he hummed. Da pa ma pa da pa, the violin prodded. "Hmmm," he said, in appreciative contemplation. He repeated after the violin, and fed off that sangati, revolving around the madhya sthayi to come back, each time, to the same phrase. Da pa ma pa da pa. And every time he came back to that phrase, he opened his eyes and looked at Saraswathi, like he expected the phrase to trigger some memory.

Saraswathi began losing herself in the Thodi. Languorous, formless, floating, yet precise, imaginative, structured, it disarmed her. She was listening to a Thodi that was fresh and new, yet traditional and classical. It was a Thodi of paradoxes. It was a Thodi you could touch and feel, but never hold. It was a Thodi that softened Saraswathi's heart.

With each passing song, Mani began ignoring more of the audience and concentrating only on Saraswathi, and she, for her part, forgot that she was at a noisy wedding.

When the concert ended, the bride, a movie actress, came to the stage to honour the artistes. When they were descending, the bride spotted Saraswathi in the front row and called out, "Sarasi!" Saraswathi came out of her trance and noticed the bride standing with Mani. She walked up to her.

"This is Mani. I'm sure you know him," the actress said, "And this is Saraswathi - I know her because she sang at my first wedding," she giggled.

Saraswathi had heard of Mani, but had never heard him until that day. She had seen him at social gatherings. She had vague memories of listening to him when she was around ten years old, but she couldn't confirm whether they were true.

"You sing?" Mani asked.
"Not much anymore, I teach more than I sing now."
"This is Saras' cousin, Sharada," the actress said.
Mani smiled, briefly glancing at Sharada before turning to Saraswathi. Sharada smiled back. The actress then whisked the cousins away to introduce them to other people.

They ate in the dining hall, Mani and Saraswathi safely away from each other's eyes. After dinner, the cousins stayed back to talk to the bride her and siblings, and Mani and the groom's uncle were sitting in the portico of the mantapam, arguing out some musical disagreements.

Saraswathi whispered in her cousin's ears, "I'll come back," and headed to the restroom. On her way back, from a shadowy corridor, she heard a voice, "Janani!" it said, in a stage-whisper. Saraswathi ignored the voice. "Janani!" it came, again. The same urgent hiss. Saraswathi turned to the corridor to see Mani silhouetted against a dim room behind him. He beckoned her again, "Janani!"

She asked, suspiciously, "You're calling me?"
"Yes."

She walked to him, and said, "Janani?"
Mani's face fell. He looked at her closely and asked again, "Aren't you?"
"Aren't I what?"
"Janani..."
Saraswathi frowned, "No."
"Janani... The old man with the Veena, that town on the hill... Railway station..."
"No."
Mani looked like someone hit him with a club. He muttered, "Sorry," and walked through the door that led to the side exit. He walked briskly, opened the side door and found himself in a narrow back alley.

"Sir!" a voice called behind him. It was Saraswathi.
He stopped.
"I just wanted to tell you - I have never heard anyone sing like you."
"Thanks," Mani muttered, slightly flushed. They were walking towards each other now, involuntarily.
"Sir, can I learn from you?" she asked, almost floating towards him. They were only a couple of metres apart.
"Come home tomorrow, I'll listen to you sing, and we'll see," he said, standing two paces away from her.
"Thanks!" she said, taking one step towards him. They were within touching distance now.

"Saras?" came Sharada's voice from behind her. Both of them took a step back.
"I'll see you tomorrow, then," Mani said, putting on a formal voice.
"Yes, sir," Saraswathi replied, sounding even more formal.

Sharada realised that she had walked into a moment where even though there wasn't any physical closeness, there was intimacy. She wondered for years if her entry that day delayed Saraswathi's crime by a few days. She also wondered if she could have averted the whole thing if she had walked in moments earlier, if she had just stopped Saraswathi from running after him into the gully.

Sharada couldn't sift through those photographs anymore. She felt the kozhakattai in her throat growing, butterflies in her stomach flying more intensely, and drops of saltwater on her cheeks with each passing photo.

Sharada wasn't too fond of nostalgia. She found it awkward, even slightly disturbing, to look at old photographs, remember the 'good' times. Somehow, the good memories tended to throw up bad ones. The two were always intertwined, like in those photographs. For every photo of Saraswathi looking ravishing, there was Mani on the other side of the camera, prowling around her to capture her charm. For every carefree smile, every happy phone call from Saraswathi in Kodaikanal, there were phone calls from Mani's wife, and the questions that the world asked Sharada about her cousin. Nostalgia tickled her, and pricked her at the same time. Sharada couldn't take it.

Just then Ajith knocked on the door and cried, "Paati!"
Sharada didn't say a word. Ajith called again, and again. The knock grew louder, and more worried. "Paati? Are you there? You don't have to come outside. I just want to know if you're okay." Sharada didn't say anything. She picked up her TV remote and turned it on. The Kerala TV channel had started its early morning Guruvayoorappan bhajans. She increased the volume until it drowned out Ajith's demonstrations.

The phone in her room rang. She turned down the volume and picked it up. It was Ajith, "Paati. I'm going to Kodaikanal. I'll be back in a couple of days."

Sharada did not react, just put the phone down and sat on her bed.
***

Ajith didn't go to Kodaikanal. He called Shankar instead and asked if he could meet Mani for another interview.

At eleven o clock, after a lengthy breakfast at her house, Ajith and Nethra found themselves at Mani's gate. The house, as always, looked disused. But, the gate was locked from the outside. Ajith called Shankar's phone and found out that Mani had been rushed to hospital - he had lost consciousness that morning. Shankar could barely speak on the phone; fear made his voice tremble.

When they reached the hospital, they found Shankar and Mani's brother, Sadasivam running around, completing all the formalities. Amidst filling out forms and making payments, Sadasivam told Ajith, "If Anna becomes conscious again, the first thing he'll want to do is get back home. He hates this hospital business!"

Sure enough, the next morning, a conscious Mani kicked up a fuss and shifted back home. First, he complained that the ambulance that brought him was dirty and bad, and demanded that the ambulance that took him back should be the posh, new one. Then, he pointed out that the bed they gave him was uncomfortable, "This is the one you give to dying people, no?" He told off the doctor for missing his rounds and delaying Mani's discharge.

When he reached home, the first thing he did was order Ajith to come and finish the interview that afternoon, "I have only three days left to live," he said on the phone, his voice, once an arresting baritone, was now too feeble and unclear to even convey this message intelligibly. Shankar translated it for Ajith.
***

Ajith sat by Mani's bed, now housed in the same dingy room upstairs where Ajith met him the first time. The curtains were drawn and there was little light in the room. Ajith sat on a chair and Mani, leaning towards him on on one side, was almost on his lap. Ajith held his dictaphone right next to Mani's mouth as he asked him the questions.

"Sir, your second disappearance, in 1987-88... What caused that?" When he asked him this question, a piece of a jigsaw suddenly fell in place - the dates in Taapi's photographs were all late 1987 or early 1988.
Mani took some time answering the question.
"Unrest," Mani said, finally.
"Can you elaborate?" Ajith asked.
Mani didn't say a word, he turned his head and faced the ceiling in silence. Ajith was supposed to infer that Mani wanted to say nothing more.

"Sir," Ajith tried again, "Do you have any interest in any other arts? Say, photography?"
Ajith realised, as soon as he asked it, that the question was too direct. Mani's eyes turned almost instantly from the ceiling, to Ajith and glared at him. There was no response to this question either. Ajith had hit a dead-end. He had to pursue his story elsewhere.

Resignedly, he asked, "Sir, do you have any regrets about your musical career?"
"No," Mani said, clearly having lost the inclination to talk anymore.
Ajith asked, "For instance, you haven't been given the Sangeetha Kalanidhi..."
"No regret about that, definitely," he said with a start, "MD Ramanathan never got it. Ramnad Krishnan, Mali, Rajarathnam Pillai, Palani... These people were not treasure houses of music? Lots of connoisseurs, musicians listened to my music, many of them loved it. I'm happy."

"You stopped performing after your wife's death... What was the reason for it?"
"I loved her a lot. I almost died in 1988, she saved me. The only thing I could give her in return was my music... One she died, I had no reason to perform, no one to perform for. Anyway, all this is there in that old interview that you've read."

"It doesn't make sense to me," Ajith said, frustratedly. Mani was startled. Ajith said, "You didn't love your wife all that much. Both of us know enough to know that. That can't have been the reason."
"I'm too weak to smile. I would have smiled otherwise," Mani said, "That isn't the reason."
He paused, collected his breath, and continued, "I had been a bad family man - ignored my wife, my children, immersed in my musical world..."
Ajith still didn't understand why Mani held up this facade. Both of them knew it wasn't always Mani's music that separated him and his family.
"When I lost my mind and nearly died, my wife came looking for me. She nursed me back to health. I realised that she had no source of income apart from me. She did some tailoring, but that wasn't enough. I had to keep performing and teaching to keep her alive. So, I performed to keep her going. When she died, I saw no reason to continue performing. I had lost interest in the process for fifteen years anyway."

It was an unconvincing story, but it seemed closer to the truth than what Mani had been telling people all along.

"Your wife came looking for you. Where were you at that time?"
"You don't know? I thought you knew more."

Ajith didn't know what to make of that.

Mani carried on, "I had a house near Kodaikanal then. I was staying there, alone. The weather didn't agree with me, I almost always had a cold and severe breathing problems. One evening, I went for a long walk, and I became breathless in a fairly secluded place. I fell down that day, and I woke up a few days later at home, with my wife. We stayed there until I was strong enough to travel again. We sold that house, and came back to Madras to start over again."
Mani began coughing uncontrollably, and Shankar, who was under strict instructions not to enter the room, rushed in. Mani motioned to Ajith to leave, as he still coughed. Shankar, peering through his thick glasses, told Ajith, "He'll call you when he's better. See you then."

Mani wasn't going to tell him the truth, Ajith had to ask his Paati.
***

To continue.

The Two Disappearances - Part V

Inexcusable delay. My only reason is that I was distracted by a stem-cell researcher.
Find all previous parts here.
***

Sharada's house has two bedrooms; one where she sleeps and the other were Ajith sleeps. But neither bedroom really belongs to either inhabitant - Ajith's books are in his grandmother's room, and some of her sarees are in his. The radio is in Ajith's room, and she listens to the afternoon radio concert on her way to sleep on the bed there. His room has more light during the day, and she reads the newspaper there (the drawing room is always dark). Ajith likes listening to music in Sharada's room - he thinks it is quieter. Ajith partially closes the door only late at night when he wants to watch pornography, and even then, he doesn't lock the door - he only turns the screen away from the door.

Spaces simply aren't private in Sharada's house, save the bathrooms.

But there are spaces that have become private because no one looks there anymore - like the lofts in both bedrooms. Sharada, her husband and her cousin had collected an assortment of junk during their lifetimes that found their homes in that loft. There was old, dismantled furniture. A folding chair on which Ajith's grandfather spent much of his waking hours in his fifties. When his son bought him a new one, reluctantly, this was broken into three pieces and relegated to the loft. Three legs of their first dining table was there, hiding amongst back issues of physics journals. The cradle on which Ajith and his father rocked, remnants of the small table on which Ajith did his homework, the chair that broke when Ajith made out with his girlfriend on its arm, all lay defunct and disused.

Then there are those vessels that the family brought from their ancestral house in Tirunelveli when they moved to Madras. Vessels large enough to cook for forty people in forgotten shapes and forms. There was that one in which his great-grandmother apparently made soan papdi once a year, another copper vessel used to store water in which Ajith bathed till he was five. There was also that other vessel in which Ajith's father burnt his hand trying to taste boiling payasam whilst it was still on the stove.

Somewhere in that space was a set of books and photo albums that belonged to Ajith's grand-aunt - the one he called 'Taapi'. She wasn't his Paati, but she was similar - of similar age, build, look, dress sense. But they were vastly different in their temperaments. Sharada was strict and slightly cynical. Ajith couldn't tell whether she was cynical because she was who society wanted her to be, or it was the other way around. She loved Ajith dearly, but sometimes Ajith thought of her love as almost mechanical - she loved him because she was supposed to. She was wise, she was good with finances, and she had a natural feel for human behaviour. But she was dependent - on her husband, her son, and now her grandson - for her courage.

Circumstances taught Sarswathi to fend for herself. Her parents died even before she could register their presence, she lived with her uncle after that along with nine other children. She was, as her uncle put it, too pretty for her own good, and had to learn to cope with all the attention she got from the boys in her school, her college, and even the cousins she grew up with. She learnt quickly - to keep them at a distance, but keep them.

The two girls went to their music classes with the sole objective of being able to sing when a prospective groom came to see them. Sharada perfected Seetapate in Khamas, while Saraswathi, being the more proficient singer, was saddled with having to execute Emani Ne in Mukhari. Her music teacher soon discovered that Saraswathi was too good for this. He wanted to make her a singer. Her uncle had issues with the idea, he stopped her music classes and got her to learn cooking from her aunts instead. Saraswathi eloped with her music teacher. She was only fifteen then. Eventually, her family caught up with her, the marriage was annulled by a court, and her teacher was convicted for kidnapping.

Saraswathi still learnt music, on her aunt's insistence, now with a female teacher. As consolation, Sharada also learnt with her. The two girls progressed steadily though Saraswathi was clearly the better musician. They even performed together until Sharada got married.

The first photograph in Saraswathi's album had the two girls seated together on a stage in matching half-sarees, matching pottus (the black-and-white photo showed them as black, but Ajith imagined them in crimson), matching nose and earrings, their hair neatly double-pleated and ribboned and their eyes heavily lined with kohl. They were surrounded by a violinist who looked more at ease on stage than them, his bow resting by his side and his hands on his knees; a mridangist staring at the camera nervously while holding his tuning stone in his left hand, and their mother holding up a tambura in the background. There was only one microphone placed between the two girls, a flask on Sharada's right with two tumblers by it, a notebook, and a banner behind them with the words, "Vinodini Gana Sabha (Regd.)". Ajith found it funny that sabhas always found it necessary to announce to the world that they were registered.

The photo was taken before the concert started, clearly. Back then, photographs were too precious for people to take chances with live action. If one of the girls shook her head too much or the mridangist moved his hands too violently, the motion blur would make the entire exercise pointless. So, they settled for a photograph where the girls stared at the camera like it was a firing squad. They could have smiled, Ajith thought.

But even in that solemn, posed photograph, the girls' characters came through. His grandmother looked like she was there because she was supposed to be, 'they' told her to be there, and his Taapi looked like she wanted to be there. Something in the way they sat, the way they stared, the way they wore their clothes revealed this. His Taapi looked every bit the stunner she was. Her frame was fuller than her cousin's, she had sharper features, brighter eyes and a darker complexion. One of her eyebrows was raised, as if she was questioning this process.

On the back of the photo, in clear, black lettering belonging to Taapi, was the song list for that evening. Ajith noticed a proliferation of eclectic ragas - Karnataka Behag, Shuddha Bangala, Srutiranjani, Gundakriya - amidst Kalyani and Madhyamavati. If someone as beautiful as his Taapi sang E Dari Sancharintuvo, Ajith would have melted.

Ajith turned the page to find his Taapi staring at him again. She was sitting on a bannerless stage this time, without her cousin by her side. The mridangist was the same as the previous concert, but the violinist was a young girl (Ajith wondered if she was T. Rukmini) wearing a dark half-saree contrasting with Taapi's light one. Taapi looked a little older and prettier than the previous photo, and so did the mridangist - his Adam's apple more prominent than it was in the other photo. On the tambura was an uninterested, feeble, old man who looked incapable of holding the tambura up for three hours. But that's what tambura artistes looked like all the time. The setting looked like a temple. It was outdoors, there were pillars around her, and the background was not a screen - it looked like the pathways of a temple. There were no microphones here, only flasks and cloth bags.

What struck Ajith, though, was the freedom and authority with which Taapi sat on the stage. Her regality suggested that the stage belonged to her. She wasn't just going to sing a concert - she was conducting darbar. She couldn't have performed too much by this time, Ajith thought. She looked barely twenty, she must've been. Sharada was married by this time and had stopped performing. Was it the absence of Sharada's nervousness that allowed her to lord over the stage?

There was nothing written behind the photograph - no date, no kacheri list.

The next page had a curious photo. It was of a young NV Mani in the middle of a raga alapana. The mridangam was off the mridandgist's lap and the ghatam player leaned on his ghatam. The violinist watched Mani in close concentration. Ajith knew there would be photos of Mani in that album, but he didn't expect one so soon. He turned around to find, "12th October, 1969: Found you!" written in a hand that was not his Taapi's. Ajith guessed, correctly, that it was Mani's handwriting. He didn't understand what the photo was about, though.

Ajith excitedly turned the pages of the album looking for an explanation to Mani's inscription, but he was soon distracted by the other pictures. There were many photographs of his Taapi - black-and-white photos that played spectacular games with light and dark. There she was, sitting at a table and turning around to look at the camera, as if the photographer had just called her. There was another one, where she sat on a cane chair in a verandah, the hills behind her, holding a steel tumbler in her hand. Then, he found a photograph of her tuning a black tambura in a dark room. He could only see the outlines of her figure, her face and the tambura, lit by distant, dim, balmy sunlight, and her radiant eyes fixed on the tambura. The rest of the photograph was just black.

There was a photo of her hair, just her hair, and her eyes peeking out through them teasingly. Another one of her fingers as they strummed the tambura. One photo of her feet almost smashed against the camera as the blurred outline of her face could be discerned in the bekoh in the background. Another one, extremely alluring, of one-half of her tilted face in a subtle smile.

Ajith's favourite photo was one in which she slept on one side, facing the camera, her dark eyes closed to the world, a blanket covering everything but her head, her hair strewn over the top half of the face. Again, there was more darkness than light in the photograph; a feature common to most pictures in that collection. The light only drew outlines - guides to define the contours of the subject. Light's lines were only suggestive, the viewer had to participate in the photo to draw the rest.

They had an intimacy to them, it was clear that the photographer loved his subject deeply, in a way that he saw beauty in everything Taapi did, in every single movement of hers. She must have loved him too, for the photographs suggested an affection, almost as if he weren't simply capturing her with each photo, but caressing her with it.

He ogled at the photo for a whole five minutes before telling himself that she was his grand-aunt. He wondered if the photographer had done the same - watched Taapi when she slept. Women looked most beautiful when then, Ajith believed.

Ajith instinctively turned the photo around to see if there was anything written on the back. In her neat lettering, there was "November 1987, Swara", written on it. Quickly, he went back to the other photographs. All of them had the same inscription.

She was forty-seven years old in 1987, but didn't look a day older than thirty-five. She died in early 1988.

Before Ajith thought too much about "Swara", the explanation came in the next photograph. Taapi stood, wearing trousers and a sweater (he had never seen her in these clothes before), at the gate of a house that said, " 'Swara', No. 9, Eastern Hill Street". On the other side of the gate, there was a board that said, "S. Ramachandran, Sharada Ramachandran". He suddenly remembered - this was the house his Thatha owned a little away from Kodaikanal. He sold it when Ajith was fairly young, but Ajith still has vague memories of holidays in that house. What he didn't understand, though, was what Taapi was doing there, and who took all those photographs.

Just then, Ajith's phone rang from the other room. He left the albums on the bed and rushed to receive it. It was Nethra.

He excitedly told her about this album and what he saw in it, when the conversation meandered into other topics. While he lost track of time in this conversation, Sharada entered the house from her shopping and walked straight into the room where the album was kept open.

She dropped her bag of vegetables on the floor and gasped. She then collected herself, went into the kitchen and started putting the vegetables into the fridge.

Ajith finished his call, and noticed his Paati in the kitchen. He panicked and rushed to the bedroom. He found it undisturbed and presumed that his Paati hadn't been into the room. He packed the photos back in the carton and climbed up on the chair to put it back in the loft. Then he realised that he needed to look at them again. So, he put the carton under the bed.
***

The photographs lay, unmindful of the storm brewing around them, under the bed on which Ajith slept. A full moon lit up a hazy Madras night - the streetlights causing the haze. If you looked carefully, squinting your eyes, you might have noticed a star or two, a few of the brighter ones. Otherwise, like all cities, the sky was just a blanket of purssian blue and faint orange.

Sharada's eyesight, even during the day, wasn't the best. She needed a cataract surgery that she kept postponing. By night, she managed to go to the toilet or for a drink of water only using an LED torch that Ajith bought for her from Bombay.

Presently, the torch threw a circular light on the wall behind Ajith's bed, under the loft that held the photographs. Sharada, as quietly as she could, moved a stool under the loft, stool in one hand, torch in the other. She tried standing up on the stool when it made a loud creak. Ajith didn't wake up. Emboldened, she tried again. This time, she made it on to the stool. She opened the loft and started looking inside. She found a box with "Saras" written on it, but it was too heavy for her to move. Those were Saraswathi's books. Sharada was looking for the one with the photo albums. She craned her neck to look around. It could not be too inside, Ajith had just seen it that afternoon.

"It's under the bed," Ajith said. Startled, Sharada almost fell off the stool. "The carton is under the bed," Ajith said, calmly, "Paati, get down." Sharada obeyed. Ajith pulled out the carton from under the bed and gave it to her. He turned on the light, and their eyes narrowed as they adjusted to it. Sharada simply picked up the carton and strode out to the other bedroom without a word and slammed the door shut.

A space had become private in Sharada's house.
***

(To continue. In three days. Sharan style.)