5 Legendary Chennai Movie Theatre Advertisements
filed under
Movies,
theories of life
Watching a movie in Madras is a elevating experience, at par with a hit of Ecstasy or a night of drinking pure ethyl alcohol straight from a test tube. Because you get to watch, apart from the movie, all these works of consummate genius:
That 'War on Wastage' Lalitha Jewellery Ad
That sword buried in CGI mud in CGI backdrop, that awe-inspiring CGI-sun-pottu, that CGI horse, those clueless ladies on that CGI hot air balloon, the Iyshwarya Rajesh lookalike on the horse liberating them from CGI-wastage with deft movements of swords and knives, her costume, her boots... dear Lord, her boots (?!)... but most importantly, her eyes. Watch the video again, just for her eyes. What gloom-ridden secrets are hiding behind them? What message is she trying to convey to the world? Is she asking us to save ourselves? Or save her from this ad? Madam, tell us, please, put us out of our misery. Madam... Madam... Madam?
Dr. Reinhard Fricke and Whole Body Cryotherapy
I used to go for any movie that friends invited me to (even Singam Puli and Vengai) just to watch this ad. There's so much happening in it - the inductive logic of the treatment, the TR-blue-suited-fellow's absolute upbeat confidence in his product, endorphins, German thatha (Dr. Reinhard Fricke), and that old paati speaking about her abject fear of 'minus 110 degree'. Freeze your pain, brothers.
Creepy Kids in Jewellery Ad
What do you do when you want to make an advertisement about gold jewellery for kids? (Yes, that is a thing.) You take kids, dress them up like adults. Make one guy kid act like he's hitting on a popular girl kid, and make her reject his advances. Make another guy kid a playboy posing for photos with two different kids. Make a third one the fashionista. And then, to top it all, make two kids act like a couple announcing a new entry to their family... Totally appropriate.
Bombastic Adjectives for East Europeans
The jewellery industry in Madras seems to produce the craziest stuff. This ad, for instance, features wan East Europeans (one of whom looks like a Latvian Shruti Hassan) with that East European jawline, doing random white-chick things like dressing up, sitting on plush chairs and fake-driving posh cars, being described in the most alien bombastic terms like 'elegant', 'lavish' and 'extraordinaire' in an Indian accent. Importantly, do not miss that most non-elite font in which the word 'Elite' is written.
The mother of all dirges
I'm at a loss for words, really. (Except to say that the fellow who sang this probably makes that 'Inthiya tholaikkatchigalil muthal muraiyaaga...' announcement on Sun TV. And also that Leni Reifenstahl could take a couple of tips from the director and editor of this video.)
That 'War on Wastage' Lalitha Jewellery Ad
That sword buried in CGI mud in CGI backdrop, that awe-inspiring CGI-sun-pottu, that CGI horse, those clueless ladies on that CGI hot air balloon, the Iyshwarya Rajesh lookalike on the horse liberating them from CGI-wastage with deft movements of swords and knives, her costume, her boots... dear Lord, her boots (?!)... but most importantly, her eyes. Watch the video again, just for her eyes. What gloom-ridden secrets are hiding behind them? What message is she trying to convey to the world? Is she asking us to save ourselves? Or save her from this ad? Madam, tell us, please, put us out of our misery. Madam... Madam... Madam?
Dr. Reinhard Fricke and Whole Body Cryotherapy
I used to go for any movie that friends invited me to (even Singam Puli and Vengai) just to watch this ad. There's so much happening in it - the inductive logic of the treatment, the TR-blue-suited-fellow's absolute upbeat confidence in his product, endorphins, German thatha (Dr. Reinhard Fricke), and that old paati speaking about her abject fear of 'minus 110 degree'. Freeze your pain, brothers.
Creepy Kids in Jewellery Ad
What do you do when you want to make an advertisement about gold jewellery for kids? (Yes, that is a thing.) You take kids, dress them up like adults. Make one guy kid act like he's hitting on a popular girl kid, and make her reject his advances. Make another guy kid a playboy posing for photos with two different kids. Make a third one the fashionista. And then, to top it all, make two kids act like a couple announcing a new entry to their family... Totally appropriate.
Bombastic Adjectives for East Europeans
The jewellery industry in Madras seems to produce the craziest stuff. This ad, for instance, features wan East Europeans (one of whom looks like a Latvian Shruti Hassan) with that East European jawline, doing random white-chick things like dressing up, sitting on plush chairs and fake-driving posh cars, being described in the most alien bombastic terms like 'elegant', 'lavish' and 'extraordinaire' in an Indian accent. Importantly, do not miss that most non-elite font in which the word 'Elite' is written.
The mother of all dirges
I'm at a loss for words, really. (Except to say that the fellow who sang this probably makes that 'Inthiya tholaikkatchigalil muthal muraiyaaga...' announcement on Sun TV. And also that Leni Reifenstahl could take a couple of tips from the director and editor of this video.)
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