Pot Pourri

I was cleaning up my Documents Folder when I came across this text. Now, I am feeling all senti. It is from the last play we did in fifth year, called 'Pot Pourri'. Many of these lines didn't make it to the final cut, hell, all the character's names were changed, and many that did make the final cut were forgotten on stage by the actors.
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This is the poster for the play - designed by me.


And these are the lines in that .doc file - the file was called lineman.doc. Why? I don't remember. I'm simply reproducing the file as it is. For the sake of sentimentality.

General - Scene 1
(Balu and Arun clearing up stuff. Singing loudly and badly.)

Balu: (takes some really dirty looking food item) Fuck, what is this? Ooh, this is from that bunch of bananas I bought sometime last month. Arun, you want one? (Starts walking towards him with it) Arun, come eat.
Arun: Balu, please da.
Balu: Its good for your complexion, da.
Arun: Don’t touch me. I’m warning you.
Balu: What’re you going to do? The last time you hit me, you started crying.
(Balu laughs and starts chasing him around. Prem enters. Balu goes away to his cubi awkwardly.)

Prem: Shylock! Last day of fucking college, I thought we might’ve just given him the slip… But the fucker’s caught us.
Arun: He has to make his money da. You have a big London job…
Prem: Stop your communist cock, please. He flicked 6000 bucks the other day.
Arun: Firstly, you don’t know he’s done it. Importantly, he sells newspapers for a living.
Prem: So?
Arun: He sells newspapers for a living. He has a RIGHT to steal from us. What are you going to do next? Oppose reservations in the private sector?
Prem: Stop being gay.
Arun: You know I don’t like it when you speak to me like that.
(Prem throws something at Arun, and then looks at the bill)
Prem: It’s a hundred and seventy bucks a head, cough up, cocksuckers.
Arun: Balu, its hundred and seventy bucks a head. Cough up, cocksucker.
(Balu gives the money to Arun, who hands it over to Prem)
Prem: I don’t have thirty bucks change.
Arun: He doesn’t have thirty bucks change.
Balu: Keep the change.
Arun: Keep the change. I hate doing this shit da.
Prem: Cock up!
(They get back to their clearing up. Prem starts different song. Arun joins in.)

Balu: You have scotch tape?
Arun: Prem has.
(Balu looks at Prem for a second, and then leaves stage.)

Prem: (taking a bundle of papers/reading materials out of the room) We’ve accumulated so much junk in the last five years!
Arun: I can’t believe we’re done though. It seems like yesterday when we came in.
Prem: Stop being gay.
Arun: I’ll hit you if you say that once more. Five years hasn’t made you any more sensitive to the minorities.
Prem: You remember what Prof. Hegde said, “How can they be a minority? There aren’t enough of them”.
Arun: I remember that really well.
Prem: How can you be senti today? You’re out of this fucking shit hole. Finally.
Arun: Are you trying to tell me that you don’t feel senti even a little bit leaving this place?
Prem: Yes.
Arun: Think about it da. You’ll never sit on the terrace again…
Prem: Don’t romanticise this fucking place. The terrace stinks. There are dope heads fucking losing their brains. Two gay… sorry, pansy guys sitting in a corner and discussing nonsense philosophy. I once heard a guy say, “A man is not an ornament!” Such shyte! (picks up some reading materials) What are you doing with these reading materials?
(Balu walks back in with scotch tape in his hand)
Arun: (holding up a scarf and reading what’s written on it) SK… Balu, this is yours.
Balu: Never seen it before dude.
Arun: But, it has… Oh…

End Scene

(Prem and Balu doing the last bit of cleaning up. Arun’s packed, and is about to leave.)
Arun: This is it, then.
Balu: I’ll mail you da. Seriously.
Arun: I’ll be happier if you talked to him. Or at least tried to.
Balu: This is a guys’ thing da. Don’t interfere.
(Arun walks to Prem.)

Arun: Be the bigger man, Prem.
Balu: I said don’t interfere.
Arun: He said don’t interfere.
Prem: I’ll see you in Delhi, then?
Arun: Yeah.
Prem: Don’t cry da, please.
Arun: Fuck off. I hate you guys. (Starts weeping and leaves)

(Balu packs up and leaves without a word. Prem looks surprised, but sits for a few seconds, before packing up and leaving. Balu walks in few seconds later, looks at the empty room and goes away. Prem comes back, looks, sees it empty and walks out.)

Surya - Scene 2
(Balu and Arun at foreground of quad, feet on grass. Balu is messaging someone on his phone.)

Arun: (somewhat excitedly)…but if you look at the judgments of the Supreme Court after 1981, which is when Justice Bhagwati was going on a virtual rampage, and particularly if you see his opinion in Ajay Hasia, the whole thing has changed now, and even things like the BCCI may soon get sucked into the definition and be forced to act in accordance with vague-ass part III rights that the court suddenly comes up with (notices Balu isn’t paying attention at this point, furious)… and… your sister is a goat with… with… massive mammaries the size of Mexico! Why the fuck do you ask me a question if you are more interested in messaging than in what I am saying?
Balu: (puts away phone, but not too hastily) I was listening only; its just that its damn annoying to be sitting here alone…
Arun: Alone?! then I am off, you can really wait “alone” now for all your real ‘buddies’.
Balu: Why the drama?
Arun: You never have the time for us anymore man. And when we do get a moment sometime in the day, your mind is always elsewhere.
Balu: What? What are you on?!
Arun: You haven’t been in the room for two weeks now.
Balu: I’ve been doing some work for this NGO.

(For a second, they look at each other, and then they start laughing.)

Arun: What’s really going on man?
Balu: Ok, ok! Its just that everything is getting to me yaar. One year in this place and I already feel like, you know, I am losing my soul or something… you know the feeling… its like, I can’t relate to what I’ve become anymore… I am so afraid that one of these days I will wake up, look in the mirror, and actually feel happy about myself because I know that Justice Bhagwati revolutionised the way the Constitution is read… you know what I am saying? … I need to be who I was 2 years ago man, I need to start re-discovering the things that… that make me me.
Arun: Hmmm.

(For a second, they look at each other, and then they start laughing.)

Balu: Ok. Serious. I’ve been taking salsa classes.
(Arun looks at him suspiciously)

Balu: Serious, da.
Arun: Ok, I believe you. Speak with Sujata, her cousin takes salsa classes for Upendra. She’s apparently quite big.
Roshan: (Smiles, tries to act nonchalant but doesn’t do that very well, however Arun sees nothing at this stage) That’s the one I am going for! Sujata also attends the classes, both of us drive down together in the evenings.
Arun: Hmmm. So she’s seen you prancing around in black tights, eh?
Balu: Salsa dancers don’t where tights. They may in Gaypolis, they don’t in Bangalore.
Arun: This salsa cock is at Alliance?
Balu: No!
Arun: But Alyosha said he saw you and Sujata there…
Balu: French classes.
Arun: What?!? Are you kidding me?
Balu: What’s wrong with French classes?
Arun: Nothing. Just that you’re going with Sujata!
Balu: What’s wrong with that?
Arun: Nothing…