Madras

Learning Tamil

So, many years ago, my cousin and I bought Tamil alphabet books in Madras (I lived in Manipal and he lived in Bangalore then) and taught ourselves Tamil reading. We even wrote letters to each other in Tamil (in those prehistoric days of the blue Inland Letter) to practice. But we lost touch with the language after that.

Now, I practice using signboards, bus routes and movie posters. The word I learnt to identify most quickly and accurately in two weeks in Madras is 'Kalaignar'.

Conversations with Thatha

Conversation 1: About six months ago
Two fairly cute chicks walk up the stairs to the second floor. They say, "Good Morning, Mama!" to my Thatha as they climb up. I'm immediately curious.
"Thatha, who are these girls?"
"Oh. They're call girls."
Stunned silence.
Thatha explains, "All-night they sit and take phone calls..."

Conversation 2: Last week
I've just entered home at night after office. A letter has come to me with my credit card bill.
"There is a letter with your credit card bill in it."
"Oh, ok." I proceed to inspect the bill.
"What have you been eating on the trains?"
"Eh?"
Then I look at the bill and realise that all payments are due to "Indian Railways Catering"!

Amma's Question
To her old friend
"So, what does your son's friend do?"
For a couple of seconds, I wonder what it means. Then it strikes me. Friend!

Conversation with Guy at Canteen in the High Court
"Oru bottle thanni kudunga..." (Give 1 nos. bottled water...)
"Cooling la venumaa?" (You want it in cooling?)

Argument with Auto Guy
He: (Check this sentimental argument out) "Saar, we're not going to get rich by cheating you..."
Me: "Then why are you cheating me?" (Take that.)
He: (Damn. I didn't expect that response) "Saar, also... No auto... Traffic... mumble mumble..."

Bus Advice
When you see a bus saying T.Nagar on it, don't jump with joy and rush into it. Taking a bus is like getting into a relationship. If you're not sure of where exactly the bus goes, you could be taken for a ride. For instance, 5B, from Mylapore to T.Nagar goes through Adayar, past IIT, past everything, through Poland, Greenland, and then hits the road coming from Velachery and reaches T.Nagar. Don't take it unless you like to sight some Polar Bears for just Rs. 5 (or you want to go to Adayar or IIT or Velachery).

Conversation with Cousin who's just finished his Twelfth Standard
In stern voice, "So, this Engineering College you want to join... Is it strict? Do they forbid you from talking to girls and using cell phones?"
Taking the bait, "Yes. They are very strict in these matters..."

Conversation on Shaving
To me: "Saar, you must shave everyday and come to office. These two days stubble and all is not good..."
Me, pointing to colleague: "Look at this guy. Always a two-day stubble."
Colleague: "Dude, I shaved this morning. Even then it grows like this."
To Colleague: "You must shave in both directions. Look at my stubble. So smooth... Touch and see." Grabbing hand, "Touch and see."
Me: "Saar, just because the 377 judgment is out-aa?"

Oh, lastly:
Lowely, beautiful, smart, fair, well-educated, superwoman, Madras-but-now-in-You-Yes friend has a food blog. Go check out.